The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been with a wonderful man for 3.5 years 1 of which we have been married. When we met he said he didn't drink and had gone to AA 10is years ago. The entire time we have been together he didn't go to meetings and "said" he didn't drink. The entire time I suspected he had one here and there, which escalated to getting drunk after he quit a process addiciton, his drinking became apparent.
He hid the process addiction, he hid the drinking and I am resentful and mad at the thought of building a relationship on lies and deceipt.
I am also resentful that I can't have a wine around him, bumms me out after all of this time of lies I loose priveldges. I enjoy wine 2-3 times a week. And he said if I drink he will have to leave the house. I kind of get it. On the other hand I don't want him to leave over such a petty thing I like.
I also worry he is entering a powerfully emotional world of change and recovery that I am not a part of. I am concerened he will find an AA woman at this vulnerable time. I have read it is hard for a recovering alcholic to stay in the relationship they were in before they were sober.
I am delighted that your spouse has decided to return to AA and embrace his recovery. The feelings you express are certainly valid and have been felt by many who live with or have lived with this disease.
Please check out alanon face to face meetings in your community AND ATTEND. Alcoholism is recognized as a disease over which we are powerless. Having lived with this disease we too need a program of recovery-- Alanon is that program.
As you attend meetings you will find that you focus on your own well being and learn to live one day at a time.
I can sure understand how deceived and anxious you are feeling right now. It must feel like the world you thought you lived in suddenly became something else. Fortunately, for you, you aren't living in denial. From what you say hear, you are clear on what the truth is in your life now. That shows strength and it also sounds like his disease may not have progressed to the point where you are feeling beaten down - just afraid he'll find somebody else - which is an understandable fear since the husband you thought you had has revealed that he is a little different than who you thought he was. I'd be feeling pretty uncertain about everything, too. For those of us who lived with our husbands and the progressive disease, there might have been some of us who HOPED he'd find somebody else. That's how ugly the disease can get.
This board is a good place for you to learn more about the disease of alcoholism (he didn't want it either) and how to stay healthy or get healthier with people who have been there or are there. A good Al Anon group in your area is a good place for you to go, too, for information, support and encouragement. I'm glad you found the board. You're right where you need to be for now.
