The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband and I have been together for 10 years and married for 4 of those years. In September last year I gave birth to our first child who we both immediatly fell in love with. To back up a bit, I'm here because it wasn't untill my child was born, that I realized my husband has an addiction to alcohol.
Throughout our entire relationship he has always been more outgoing than me, I tend to be more intoverted but it somehow always worked. I learned to be ok with bars and I would make him stay home on weekend nights to watch movies. Most of the time though, I always felt his friends, and their partying always came first. First before me, first before family events, or whatever else it might have been. It really wasn't until we became married in 2009, that I realized, man, he really drinks a lot!. I also want to add we never lived together until we were married, however, I was aware he loved to drink and party when I married him.
As the years went on, he partied and partied and drank and drank. About a year after we were married I began to drink almost every time he did, as a way to deal with his alcoholism, although at the time I didn't realize that's what I was doing. I also realize I could have dealt with it in a different way, but just didn't know how. Alcoholism really sneaks up on you. Things did kind of come to a lule, as we both settleled into our careers. Although the drinking never stopped completly, we enjoyed our lives together and wanted to take the next step to have a child. Of course when I became pregnant I was forced to stop drinking and he continued. Everyweekend he would drink to the point of drunkeness. I began to see a change in him. When he wasn't drunk, he seemed down, fatigue, distant. Would always stay on the computer constantly or on his phone. When he had the opportunity to drink, we was very cheerful and talkative, until of course, he reached his drunken state. Then he would often become verbally agressive and behave in odd ways.
When our child was born in September, I guess I was nieve and thought his drinking would really slow. And it did, for a few weeks, and then picked up again. Although I wasn't pregnant anymore, I could not bring myself to drink alcohol, even when I was able to. How could I drink my childs life away. I guess when I became sober and had a child I realized how bad things really were. I confronted him a few weeks ago and told him he needed to stop drinking so much and be home more for family time instead of going out drinking with his friends. He said he realized that he needed to slow down and be home more, but nothing has changed.
I am now by myself with our child. He decided to walk out. Although he states he did not walk out on her, I feel he did. He doesn't spend much time with her. Maybe an hour or two a week.
Hi kellyblue I am so sorry that this dreadful disease has surfaced in your home. Your share reminds me very much of my marriage and the results I experienced after having a child. Alcoholism is a disease over which we are powerless. Living with the affects of this disease causes us to react in destructive ways to life and to alcohol situations. Just like the alcoholic needs a program of recovery in AA we too need a program to learn how to regain ourselves and develop new coping tools Alanon is that program.
The alanon hot line number is listed in the telephone white pages Please call to find the schedule Al of face to face meetings in your community and plan to attend.
Kellyblue, you are doing the right thing for yourself and for your child. Keep coming here, and attend a face to face Al-Anon meeting. He may have left temporarily. Hopefully, in time, he will recognize what he is missing, and he will make a choice to change. In the meantime, reach out to others for help, when you need it.
I just want you to know you are not alone. I was married for 8 years and my exh left before our daughter was born. I learned that I am stronger than I ever knew. I joined a support group for separated, divorced, and widowed people. Be kind and good to yourself! Focus on your child and yourself! It does get better! I swear it does!
I am now in a relationship (not married) with a recovering alcoholic who has fallen off the wagon once again. We have a child together, a boy. I am here now finding support and reading a lot of posts and it helps!
