today was just messed up. last night (well this morning) 2am or so a decided to stop buy while totally strung out on coke. he just wanted to use the phone. i was amazingly calm. i said you are on coke and he said yes. he said i just need the phone. so he used the phone to call balance on credit card, wanted more coke. in the past i would have taken that card cut it up and not let him leave which could for surely put me at risk to get knocked out. now im so much smarter. i let him use the phone. i asked for his house keys and he handed them over and left calmly. no yelling nothing and i have the keys so he cant come back unless i allow him in. i feel much better but was very scared after it happened as it brought back horrible memories which only makes me more convinced i cant be with this man while he is going through this. my rabbit got sick last night so had to get her to the vet today. i dont drive so a's mom took me. now she has a bit of a pill problem. this was the biggest mistake i ever made by letting her take me. she was fine until we got there but obviously took some pills before we left cause they were very well kicked in while we were driving home. i have never been so scared. we rear ended someone. almost got t-boned at an intersection as she failed to stop at a red light and drove up and over numerous curbs and sidewalks and dodged poles. this was insane. i also found out she has not updated her insurance. i prayed so hard and so many times to god that i would make it home safely. i was almost gonna walk but had rabbit and all the meds and supplies from the vet. i was stuck. but as you know i am ok cause im here writing this. i will never get in a car with that lady ever again. she should not be allowed to drive. after that happened a came over for a bit to talk. as he is in that state of mind of wanting to die now that coke is out of his body. i didnt say much except that i was horrified last night and feared for my life last night because of a past occurence with him and coke a year and a half ago. he reassured me im safe. i reminded him when he is on it he's in no control of his feelings. i let him know i care very much about him but am giving him to god as all of this is way out of my hands and that i would pray for him to find the help he needs. so im ok. got more stuff off my chest. and bunny is happy and running around she even likes her medicine. lol. sorry this was so long just thought you might like some entertainment.