The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Some know I came to this board when I began dating a man who presented himself as a recovering, sober alcoholic. He appeared to be all he said then had a relapse early in our relationship and went to rehab and voluntarily stayed 60 days. What followed next was me getting into Al Anon (best thing I've ever done) and finding out just how insane this disease is.
9 months later things were not going well, it was on again off again and then one day I had my limit and that was it. That was in October. I broke off all contact although he did email me a few times after in attempts to get me sucked in again, but I didn't.
Then at Christmas he went missing and family was contacting me and I had no idea where he was or what was going on and didn't want to know so I gave them a couple of his friends contacts. When kids are worried about a missing parent I thought that was fair. That person ultimately got tired of his drama and cut off all contact. I have continued to stay blind but I have friends who were not aware I cut off contact and are still friends with him on facebook.
Out of the blue yesterday my mother is telling me how he's missing, they filed a missing person report, they found his car and belongings at a local hospital, etc. Then friends and family asking me what I know, getting caught up in his drama. I set the boundary "look I dont' want to know I'm not a part of his life please be careful about getting sucked into this drama it is not new for him".
He's going to die from the disease and probably sooner than later but to again find myself in the middle of something I keep letting go of is just crazy. At first my mom acted like I was a cold hearted b-word but when I explained rationally why, she finally understood. I hope she too will un-friend him and walk away from it but she likes drama.
So today I brush off and keep going forward I think people all get it now, I'm out, totally out, I know nothing and don't want to know anything more. But I just found myself in wonder at how this disease is like cancer, it spreads even when you don't see it.
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
THanks a lot for this share ASM... things evolved on my side recently in a way I was thinking the same...even when I want to get out, it is sucking me back in...drama... even when you don't see it. ..and in my case 'don't say or do anything...BAMMM! you're back in. it would actually be a fun game, if one had the opportunity to do moves to win...but move, or standing still , or backing up...there is no winning against the advanced disease...at least that's what I feel today. Letting go 'of that game' seems to be the only possible way.
this is so true. I'm impressed and shocked at the same time by the immensity of the power of this disease...
Hugs and in support. Your strength for staying out is an inspiration for me today. THANKS
