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Here's a funny one! I received an email from Web MD that was titled "Signs You Worry Too Much". Does my computer sense my worries? So, I thought I would share where my brain is today. My AH has been sober for 30 days today! He is currently going through the DUI process for a second DUI. That included the requirement of attending six AA meetings. He hasn't been to one since he did his sixth. I attended my first F2F Al-Anon meeting last week, and I'm going to another one today. He left for work very early this morning, and I texted him "Congrats on 30 days." His reply was, "Need no praise. I said alcohol meant nothing to me and it was not an addiction. I run my own program". Now, he is a very strong man, and I know that he CAN do this. However, I am so anxious that something will happen to trip him up. He was never one to drink every day. There were times when he only went drinking one night. He never drank at home. He simply drank to intoxication pretty much any time a beer touched his lips. So, I guess I am not supposed to congratulate him? What are your thoughts?
Congratulations on getting to Al-Anon, I hope that you can feel the support there. And great news that your husband has been sober for 30 days, especially over the festive season. My AH is on day 15 (although he has managed 90 days in the past) and he makes it very clear that he is working his programme and it is really none of my business. I get a sense that he needs to have ownership so I let him tell me his thoughts when and if he wants to. It also helps me if I am not paying too much attention to his drinking/not drinking although if there is a milestone that I know about (because he has mentioned it the day before for instance) the I tell him I am proud of him and he is usually chuffed that I noticed (and sometimes he makes it clear that this is 'his thing' and I should back off). Either way, it is a light touch and I try not to make a big deal of it either way. AH assumes that I don't know anything about alcohol and he generally prefers to get his congratulations from other people in his programme. My guess is that for my husband any reference to alcohol from his wife is a bit of a painful reminder. Don't worry too much!! PS my junk email usually includes one that is offering a course in dealing with difficult people
Thank you for the advice, Milkwood. You're probably right about my making a comment hurting him. I believe he saw his drinking as a weakness, and he doesn't like to be referred to as weak in any sense. I will take that suggestion and keep it to myself...well, I can share it here and at meetings. :)
