The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello everyone. Greetings to you and best wishes for the coming NewYear!
We have had a rough go of several months. I did one positive, I quit a toxic position!:) My family members I am a caregiver for have been in and out of the hospital. I lost a relative thatI was very close to very unexpectedly Christmas Eve.....too young and we are still reeling from that. I dealt with law enforcement ie the coroner etc. Still quite sad. But Thankful for their presence and love in my life.
Today, my adult child was very verbally abusive to me. Issues have been present before. However hubs and I have been thankful for the improvement in behaviour of the past months. Today was different. Any caution, attempts to not participate only angered child. Who blamed me accusing me of drama, very insulting. I called time out, this is non productive, should bea coversation not verbal assault with a winner or loser. You name it, my not partiipatin only angered more.
Result: I do Not feel safe with this child. I was to go on vacation with this family next week and now sadly do Not want to go and be at his mercy. Financially I am unable to have an escape plan if needed. He wanted me to go because I am a experienced beach person, they are not. He told his family "Mom can Always find something to do!"....I love exploring this world.
Am seriously considering lying, saying that I cannot find a replacement for work. I am to fly down and meet them. So will bite it for safety sake of possible unhealthy environment.
So very sorry that you have experienced this confrontation since you have had a serious loss recently. Feeling safe is of utmost importance to me . My family explodes often and with my alanon tools I am able to feel safe within the madness. Walk away, act do not react, use words such as " that is interesting I will think about it" etc. If my alanon tools did not work, I would examine my motives for going and seriously think of canceling the trip
Hi Old Timer, I am so sorry that you've been through so much over the past few months and I am sorry for your loss. I wonder if your child is also feeling the loss? I know my AH tends to lash out when he is actually feeling like he needs a hug. I think it is something to do with testing to see at what point I will 'abandon' him! Stress sets him off as well. I know he regrets it later. Anyway, no one deserves abuse and feeling safe is, in my view, very very important indeed. I wonder how you feel about having to lie? And doesn't that let your child off the hook? I also wonder if you were looking forward to the holiday before this setback? I think that it is perfectly natural to want a nice rest after all you have been through, and I would make my choice based on where I felt that I could relax the most. If it is possible to find your own space on holiday and you would like to go, then go explore. If I chose to stay at home I would simply explain that I needed a rest and some peace and would they mind organising their own beach activities? Your child clearly admires you though - I love the fact that you can always find something to do!
Thank You for your responses. You definately have given me some good ideeas to absorb. Naturally I wrote while hurt, from my loss (sons losss too) and sons response to me. I Totally Forgot I was to work today and Th for someone...that is Not me. I also booked my flight thinking my office was closed next week and I would cover for another girl the week following. I am completely out of sorts, discombobulated. So not me. Thus, in the end I am being covered for next week now and I think it will do me good to go have a break from all of this.
This son and my dil also miscarried last month. Its been a time of losses for us all. Yes, I was looking forward this. I have salt water in my veins. No better place for me.:)
Hey Old Timer, I'm so thrilled that you have found your own reasons to enjoy a holiday next week and will be thinking of you - with sand between your toes and salt spray in the air. Have a lovely calm time and send my love to the ocean
