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A miracle happened tonight. My ex ah came round first contact since Xmas. He is sober since Xmas and is in aa. Anyway, the miracle happened, he apologised to me. He said he realises he has damaged our family and his drinking is the reason he has lost everything. He said he feels guilt and shame for the first time. He does not blame me for leaving. Wow. This felt like a true moment in both our lives. Now, my old ways rushed in I felt uncomfortable with his pain and started gibbering a little, I had a strong desire to fix. However, I feel like I have finally been given recgnition or something. I'm not sure, I feel emotional , like he has stepped into the light or into the real world. I feel true hope for him but I have to be careful not to be involved in his recovery. I have such a strong desire to tell him my recovery tools and what I have learned. Any words of wisdom would be gratefully received. Thank you.
-- Edited by el-cee on Saturday 12th of January 2013 12:00:35 AM
What a lovely gift to receive!!! Sounds as if he is really working his program so now it is even more important for you to continue to work your program.
Keep the focus on yourself, keep on attending meetings, read your literature, live one day at a time focused on yourself and HP and life will continue to improve
Yahoo!! this one caught me off guard also and I almost thought I was hearing "It was all my fault and you're the greatest thing that ever came into my life" and then I heard the disneyland music in the back ground and the inviting sounds of the merry-go-round and ferris wheel and I shook my head vigorously from side to side and reminded myself she was taking care of "her" part and I had yet to do mine in the same manner. There are soooo many invitations to continue on with "my part" and "my program" and the addiction still makes a sucking sound. Wish him well and pat him on the butt as you send him out the door and call your own sponsor quick. What'll I do is a good first question to your sponsor. Good for him...I hope he is one of those rare miracles we get in AA (I'm a double) who get it and hold on to it and make it the most important thing in their lives...just after God. Keep coming back ((((hugs))))
I know what you mean jerry. It's the first time ever that I have heard an honest logical sentence. As if he's put his big toe into the real world. He's got a very long way to go and he might not get there but that's his business. I will focus on my life and my recovery. I admit that took me by surprise. If he keeps this up he might actually have a chance to have a life.
If my memory serves me correctly, it seems like we have been separated from our husbands for about the same amount of time. Mine did this too. It affected me greatly because it made me realize that after all the blame and guilt he had heaped on me that maybe deep down he knew that the things he had been saying weren't true. He did well for a while but it didn't last. Even still, it meant a lot for me to hear it because it seemed genuine. I hope and pray that your husband sticks with recovery but no matter what, be thankful that you got that apology.
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"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G Llewellyn
I am trying hard not to build my hopes too high, I can't believe he apologised. I never thought I would hear that. I am grateful but I know its important to keep the focus on my recovery. Thank you for your valuable insight.
I've heard all the usual sorry's for years too. What made this different was he had been reading aa lit for the first time. However, I've spoke to him since and nothing's changed but at least I got something and its better than nothing.x
To be honest, I let go of him a long time ago so for me it doesn't really matter, I've moved on but for my kids it would mean so much. They have lived without him for years. He abandoned them in lots of ways through the drink. His self centeredness has affected them so much, he's been an absent father and I think it would have been better in some ways if he had actually walked out their lives instead of hanging around with his self pity. Sorry still a bit bitter.
