The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was reading through some posts and was reminded very clearly that A's do what A's do... and time and again folks like myself get bowled over in shock when we expect the A to suddenly behave like someone other than an A.
I even had this experience with my exA. He called me back in October to let me know that he discovered he's got diabetes (I'm sure from his drinking) and that he's decided he's going to move back to Colorado to be close to his family as he gets his health in order.
It took me a little while to digest the info and then become comfortable with the info - he's the person that I moved out here to Hawaii with and it felt almost like being abandoned, even though I hadn't been around him in person for over a year and had maybe talked with him a total of four or five times in the last year.
Of course I was able to eventually be fine with the news and wished him luck.
Then a few weeks ago he sends me a text message saying he'd accepted a full-time job with great benefits out here.
I texted back "congrats!" (but thinking in my head... ummmm... yeah so I guess you're not moving after all.)
Which of course he confirms in his next text, too.
But I laughed at the whole situation.
My exA did what he's always done. He's always talked up big huge life-changes, stirred up all his family about his intentions, recruits their help, etc... and then next thing you know he's running off in a completely different direction and all these big changes he's had planned are no longer valid.
I just found the situation funny because I recognized his typical pattern... and also MY pattern of taking the A's word as gospel, even though he rarely ever adheres to it.
Great learning opportunities.
My exA lies, cheats, steals, isn't capable of maintaining friendships if he's not able to milk people of things for himself... and he makes plans and never follows through. He's been doing that since I've known him for almost 10 years now.
A's are gonna do what they do.
And I guess maybe I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do.. I'm gonna believe the lies for a while and then go "WHAT???" when I discover I've been lied to. haha But hopefully, through this program, I'll slowly start learning to remember who I'm dealing with where the exA is concerned and stop taking the A's word seriously.
When I told my freinds the story, many were just as confused as me "WHY? I thought you said he's moving back? Why?"
Thanks for the share and the reminder, .. LOL .. you are absolutely correct!!
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
AlohA, I so understand what you are saying, I think your share is an example of the serenity prayer. You
Have accepted him for what he is, you remained calm when he tried to effect you and you made no attempt to change him. Well done.
I have found many an addict who lies about the most superficial things. Really they don't think much of lying about anything at all.
Some addicts and alcoholics are so polished about the image they present of their lives. I have to be so careful not to fall in and think that
there is some possibiity of a relationship there.
For me so much of it is about people pleasing. If I keep an addict/alcoholic at arms length of course they do not like it. If I am not out there looking for people to validate me at all times and make me feel worthwhile I am at home questioning my journey.
I know it took me decades to see an alcoholic as they are. I always doubted myself. I had reason to of course because I did not know how to protect myself, set boundaries or pull myself out of the mire of people pleasing.
