The material presented
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My a/a daughter called, told me about the program to get her GED, before the conversation ended she asked if I had any pants or warmup suits she could have, she said she can't wear jeans to class. I told to go to the thrift store, she said she didn't have any $. She reminded of my surplus of clothes, I told her I had donated a large amt. before the end of the year.
Today, I plan to go to a meeting, but I found myelf in my closet gethering clothes to give to her. Is this enabling? She know I'm a shopalcoholic and have lots of extra clothes, she said "I want to be cute". I'm so used to giving her stuff. I'm confused!! Any help with esh, I want to get this right, I'm so tired of this.
I'm a big time enabler trying to stop doing things for my ASon. I love him to death and that's what I'm going to do if I don't stop. I have stopped all financial help but I still have a problem with advice and controlling issues. If my son didn't have clothes to wear to his new job I would be helping him with something to wear.
I know exactly how you feel so take care of you first..
(((( hugs ))))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
One great piece of advice that I received at one of the Al-Anon parent meetings was, "It's okay to say no." That one line gave me so much relief and made me feel okay about not caving in to my AD requests for the money, clothes, the use of my car, etc. It was amazing to me to see that she still survived without my giving in to her requests.
She can't wear jeans to class? Can that really be true? I've never heard of a program like that. Not that that determines whether you should give her clothes, but I would wonder whether I'm getting the straight story. Would that mean that she's really saying, "I'd like to get my GED but you're the one thing standing in my way, because you won't give me the right clothes. So if I don't get my GED it's all your fault"? I've known a lot of people who didn't get the credentials they were after, but none of them failed because of their wardrobe selection.
The fact is that you get to choose what to do with your clothes, and whether or not you donated to the thrift shop, you are not obligated to give her any clothes. Now that you've said No, though, if you cave and give her some, what you will have taught her is "No doesn't mean No" and "If I keep pestering, I can get her to change her mind." Those could be lessons you'd regret down the line. So that would be something to think about in making your decision.
Aloha Highly...if yo give it, give it without expectations of anything...Give it because you have it to give and that it will do others better than you...give it without adding it to the "remember what I've done for you list". Stay pure of heart and mind and spirit and give it cause you know how the other person will feel when they get it regardless of who that person is. (((hugs)))
Hi, I can recognise this manipulative behaviour, I've got a couple of experts in my life. I would try to go with jerry. Great, kind, loving answer. Detach with love. Good luck.
