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You know you would think I would get that lesson and seriously it still boggles my mind.
There are some freaky things going on at the moment. I have court tomorrow and I am asking for prayers. I feel like the best thing that could happen is (I know wait for it .. LOL) it would actually be delayed.
I can't even remember how much I have shared, .. I have had to retain a different atty because of conflict of interest issues. I retained my old atty in April and for some dumb reason I KNOW .. please I KNOW .. I gave him emails that had the other woman's name ALL over them. I know I gave him her name. The idiot retained her in August.
This betrayel for me is actually beyond the simple betrayl of what my spouse originally did. I now get to reread and rehash in my mind all this crap from a year ago .. almost to the day at this point.
I have been so angry, in shock, and that shock is starting to wear off and literally I have been in tears on and off all day yesterday. It seemed way to surreal for a while. I'm angry however it's now moving into confused as to what is the lesson here?
So the good news is this .. I have a new atty and I like HER a lot!! I love the men on this site and please know this when I make this statement it's one of those present company not included kind of things .. however creatures with penises are not exactly my favorite people at the moment. I was just starting to get to a place that I thought you know .. after this is all over with I think I can maybe start liking the idea of dating again. I am thrown straight back into how much betrayel I have been subjected to over my lifetime. This is not a pity party thing I'm just looking at the facts. I wonder why I can't trust? WOW .. what are there 4 professions you should be able to trust with your life and one of them has done the ultimate betrayl. So in the past 12 months not only has my spouse betrayed me so has my atty. No apologies from either of these jerks!! My old atty tried to tell me he could represent us both and I literally opened my mouth and was shocked!! Needless to say when I got my voice he heard exactly what I thought of that which was let me explain this to you so as a MAN you get where I am coming from .. you are representing the woman who is F'ING MY HUSBAND!!! Yes .. I did yell the whole word and it felt validating to say it!! He sat back with this shocked look on his face and says .. well I can see how you might have a problem with that .. DUH!! I would say this is probably the first time that I have stood my ground and said ohhhh NOOOOO .. not today thank you very much!!
NO ONE is going to tell me that was not done on purpose by her and my STBAX .. and it tells me how sick she really is and I do NOT want that kind of woman around my children. I'm thinking she's not fit to raise her own children. Who does this to another humanbeing who has done NOTHING to them? I am so totally confused, hurt and just down right horrified that there are other people in the world like this woman. Whatever issues she has .. they have NOTHING to do with me. I don't even know the woman I would know her if I heard the name .. I have never met her.
STBAX was furious when he found out on Friday that I had retained another atty. He just knew he had me dead to right on this isuse and son of a gun NO he did NOT!! He's started in with texting nothing threatening however just demands. Actually said we would need to "talk" after court ... umm ... hellllll noooooo .. there is NO reason for us to have ANY discussion that is divorce related at this point. The kids are one issue I will discuss I have STOPPED all contact and texting about anything else.
Needless to say I did get a good giggle when he was literally running to his truck trying to get in and I was stalking (yes I was in predetory mode) after him because I was going to have the last word. And .. yes .. LOL .. it felt REALLY GOOD!! I let him know he is NOT to approach me in court EVER. I have NOTHING to say to him. He wants to talk about the kids .. I will talk .. however outside of that DO NOT SPEAK TO ME!!! He has NO rights after all the crap he has pulled at this point. I didn't even yell I did stress those words. He says I feel the same way .. my response GOOD we agree on something! I walked back to the house (I don't stalk my own house .. LOL).
Thankfully the kids were inside and out of the way when that happened, so they saw none I was shaking soooo hard. I feel good. I am just hoping that the Judge will grant an extension and not rule on anything until we get a new court date.
Right now I'm trying to really focus on what it would be like to have all of this chaos gone from my life. What it would be like to have peace, even someone who wants to be with me, how would that really feel in my life and what would I do with it. Just something so I can stop thinking even if it's only 10 min at a time about what is happening in my life this second. I'm also letting the tears flow because this really hurts on levels that I didn't know I had in me.
Thanks for letting me share .. how I have held it together and not been on CNN in some way shape or form .. this is some freaky stuff to say the least.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Push...look up the information of Attorney/Client privilege in your area cause I believe what the (as described) attorney did was violate it...
A boat load of 100 attorneys was on a fishing trip and the fishing ferryboat capsized and sank in shark infested waters yet not one attorney was attacked by sharks. One of the sharks was interviewed on the event and when asked why his whole school of sharks did nothing to the attorneys he stated, "Oh we were hungry enough alright...however we do honor the code of professional courtesy". LOL
I think that gender reference will sometime disappear from your recovery...along with the anger, resentment and left over drama/trauma fits. I know that from experience. I went thru it myself and in the end told my lawyer that I already came to him with the one possession I needed to keep and not ever give away again; my peace of mind and serenity. He kinda sorta understood and I told him that what he was dealing with was alcoholism and what it does to whomever it touches. Partway thru the court event he turned to me and asked quietly "Is this what you were talking about earlier"? I nodded because the process was getting really bizzare with the judge even violating his own directions. My lawyer responded..."I could never imagine living like this". Like I said...I already had what I came with and so we dropped the curtain on the drama and went on with our lives. Ohhhhh Well!
God is bigger than you...yes and if you do this within your program you may be looking alot like God's twin. Just a metphor and I think you get it...if not use the PM function. In support ((((hugs))))
Hope your new attorney resolves all of this for you soon. Good use of "say what you mean, mean what you say but don't say it mean," with your stbx. That is definitely not an easy one in heated situations. Keeping you in my prayers. Hugs. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Hugs .. and yes to both .. it is a total issue on his part and I will have to take it up with the Bar. I'm really not happy that on top of it all I gotta do this too. I decided that I do need to step up.
I don't know how nice I was when I said it ... LOL .. I said it, he got it and now he gets that I'm really over the insanity of his and her behavior.
Hugs P :)
PS - The delay is absolutely to MY benefit not to my STBAX.
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
A year ago you would not have " stood my ground and said ohhhh NOOOOO .. not today thank you very much!!" You have come so far. Once again you haven't fallen apart this has only made you stop and regroup.
I agree with Jerry about attorney/client privilege, definitely look into that, and definitely report him to the bar, my 2 cents.
I have found that the way to get someone not to talk to me is not to answer when they say something. Eventually they get the message.
Of course they will do things to try to get you to talk to them but the longer you hold out the easier it is to get into the mode of acting like they don't exist.
