The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have to say I am very proud of myself. When my AH and I seperated, I moved to a new house. He does not have the address, phone number or new email address. I chose to create a very large barrier in order to start finding my sanity and having as much division between us as possible. I was really hurt and this is how I reacted. So, now I am doing really well. I feel great, am looking forward to life and am so excited to start living. I feel like I have been dead for YEARS and am feeling a happiness and lightness of heart that I have not felt since before him in my life. During my 10 years with him, I gained 150 lbs. In the 2 months we have been apart, I have already lost 30 lbs. I feel great!!
He still has my work email, that is one that I can't change and it does give him the chance to get ahold of me if need be. So yesterday he sent me an email at work saying he would be out of town for work for about 2 weeks. Just wanted to let me know, than asked if I could get his mail for him while he was gone. I read it and at first wanted to fire back an email asking him if he was kidding, but that was such a fleeting feeling. I simply replied that his travel for work is none of my concern and that I was not willing to take on a responsibility like gathering his mail for him. He needed to find someone else to do those things.
It was freeing and simple. I almost laughed actually about it. I could not believe he was asking me for something or thinking I would care that he was out of town on business. I have not seen him in 8 weeks and spoke 3 times on the phone in that time. He refuses to talk, he refuses to acknowledge what he has done and I actually am not at all interested in anything to do with him at this point. I feel great and am so happy to be living life again.
Felt good to stand up for myself and say no, probably one of the first times I have done that with him.
Thank you for your share. it gives me courage to continue doing the best for myself. I am only starting, broke up on Christmas, and exabf doesn't want to hear about the break up, doesn't want to acknoledge his relapse and abuse that came between us. he just wants to foget and keep life simple. He says I'm the sick one...and I just realized it is no good in having ANY contact at all in this time with him. I can still feel the madness pulling on some strings. He just wants me back so he can be the one that dumps his trash on me and walks out strong.
so thanks for reminding me to keep my own strength alive.
I was just ruminating on this issue today. Before al anon it was impossible for me to say "no" to people. A friend asked me if I wanted to go along for a tedious appointment of his today (to go to the DMV with no appointment). I did not say much and I let it go. I did not go. I didn't make a huge thing about it. I didn't resent him and I didn't make a big explanation of why I did not want to go.
I am so relieved that I am at this point. For so much of my life I have been terrified of disappointing people and being seen in a negative light.
Cinders, You did the right thing. How liberating and how wonderful for you to take the steps you have to feel better. Maresie, I suffer from the same ailment. I have always been afraid of disappointing people and being seen in a negative light. I have a lot to learn about taking care of me.
