The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
We are very near the end of our family unit as we know it. My AH has hit bottom...at least I hope it cannot get lower than this. He despises me right now because I am divorcing him and I called 911 on him and he keeps saying I am feeding lies about him to our children and everyone else. My kids want him out of the house. I am doing what I can to make that happen for all of our sakes. For the moment however, all he does is sleep on the couch and get up and drink and I suspect huff himself into a stupor after we are in bed. He will not acknowledge my existence.
I am so sad and I am ding my best to stay strong and hold back the tears. I am tired of spending all of my energy crying over him. I know he is going to die if he doesn't get help but he said he will not go get help. Part of me thinks things will be better and at least easier for us if he did kill himself. I feel guilty for feeling that way, but this is the hardest thing I've ever gone through and I don't want my kids to endure anymore. I know once we divorce he is only going to make things worse. I just want us all to be happy. I miss my best friend. I miss the love of my life. I miss myself. I keep trying to stop these little pity parties but the knot in my stomach will not allow me to forget about any of it.
Please help me learn how to cope. I go back to work tomorrow. I hope that helps. The long winter break was nice but routine is good. I only hope I can concentrate on work....then I have the anxiety of my AH starting his new job at my same place of work...yikes!!! He is supposed to start the week after next. I don't even know if he will be able to pull himself out of this stupor. I also don't know what will happen once he is served the divorce papers. I am so anxious and scared.
Thanks for reading.
I agree the disease of alcoholism is indeed one of the most painful, devastating diseases to live with . Be gentle with yourself and contiue to lean on HP
You and your Family are in my thoughts and prayers
I feel for where you are. You are in a stressful place right now. When I was there I went through such a range of emotions. Even now, almost a year later I'm still dealing with emotions I never acknowledged before. I found personally therapy to be very helpful. I wasn't ready then for Alanon f2f meetings but this is my week! That's where I am headed. It's time to work on healing at the next level. I still have my moments but as you move through the process things will become clearer and more healthy. There is a light at the end of the tunnel! Be patient with yourself. ((hugs)) to you!
Take it all one day at a time .. it's going to be a rollercoaster for a while. It's going to be ok.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Iam in a very similar situation right now imom , it's been years of slow decline for me and my family due to ah but now it's come to a head.....we have to be strong ........and know that what we are doing is for our kids also us.....sending u courage and strength from australiaxxx
