The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
...may not show for some time. Whenever we are in doubt - don't.
Wait for His say-so.
Most people in recovery (including myself when I'm prideful & angry) will say to not tolerate being controlled etc.
But my greatest teacher taught me to break DOWN my pride and tolerate.
I'm at Mom & Dad's house because I need a place to stay. I lost everything recently and am trying to heal physically as well. They have taken me in. There are many times I feel all messed up again like when Mom's guilt prevents her from turning the heat on (in January!) I wonder that I ended up so scared to get my needs met. There are other forms of withholding too.
THe difference is today I have God and I know how to get thru that. I can even be grateful and enjoy her company (which I do 99% of the time.)
Sure, she will test me and watch my body language. She hates recovery just as much as the rest of my family. They rely on intelligence and people-pleasing everyone they can rather than protecting or loving those who need them in the family. And they are very successful in the natural worled.
But I'm using those uncomfortable moments to strangthen myself. As in not reacting, being kind, looking in the eye (not down or away) and keeping my honesty.
I look at this as an opportunity to work at the REAL stuff. Also I am grateful to have a roof over my head.
THey want to pay big bucks for me to get a new apartment. Most in recovery might say that's control. But I have a solution that extends beyond that. I need the help so I'm taking it. I will find a nice WARM (lol) place where I can have sponsees over to work thru the 12 steps and I'll let my mother control me thru the landlord and anyone else she wants. Except THIS time I will not react - I will tolerate with understanding and maturity.
THESE are the real people. THIS is how we grow in recovery.
Love and tolerance.
I believe all this had to happen so I would end up here and do this right. THere might be more God wants me to see but I'm taking this one day at a time and waiting for His say-so and what He's revealing. Maybe I'm wrong, I dunno. All will be shown and will be ok.
The Program has taught me to "Keep an Open Mind" and not be so sure I know what HP wants nor the lesson I need to learn!!!
I know I needed to learn patience, compassion, asking for help and the big one accepting help. HP placed me in situations where I learned how to do all these har things and grow.
Thanks Hotrod and nice new photo! Hope you are well and your holidays were filled with good memories and gratitude for the time we have and had to spend with loved ones. And I will keep working on my compassion and acceptance!
What I have to be careful about is not saving anyone from their pain though. This is why I have to sit through the intensity of the baiting I deal with from others. If I let them take my power I have given them relief and they won't seek God or recovery. THat isn't my job.
It's a balancing act and when I'm spiritually fit it happens effortlessly. THAT'S the goal.
