The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am new here. I want to tell my guy (who is an alcoholic) that I do not love him anymore and want him to move out but I hate being that mean to him; especially this time of year. We have been together for a year and a half. He didn't drink for awhile and when he started he didn't drink much but now it is all the time and some days he gets really drunk. I lived with 2 other alcoholics and told myself I wouldn't do it again. Besides which, his drinking has for the most part killed any love I felt for him. Could I please have some feedback on what I should do. He is disabled and lives on a veteran's pension of about $800 a month. Do I just harden my emotions and tell him to leave or do I give him time to find a place and save up some money and wait for nice weather and all that. PLease help me!
Welcome to the board. You will learn alot here and we will learn alot from you. In Alanon we try not to give advice but share our experiences instead. Some times I have to make a decision for a day and then change my mind the next day.
Welcome to your new extended family. Here you will find great strength, wisdom, hope and occasionally silliness (good for the heart).
Giving advice is something we stay away from, because we are not living with the person who is affecting your life. Everybody is different. If you go back and read some of the old posts you will see how we each handle situations in the way that is best for each of us.
My only "advice" that I tend to give is this: You must not loose yourself in his disease. Megan is right about the 3 Cs. That's a very important thing to remember. None of this is your fault. I understand that because it is Christmas you may not want to hurt his feelings. However you must also do what is right for you. No one but you can tell you that. Decisions made hastily can often backfire. There were many times when I wanted my A out. But with Alanon we are given the tools to make decisions in a more healthy way.
Keep coming back to us. Be good to yourself.
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I dunno my boyfriend does not drink currently but when he is not drinking his behavior can be as manipulative, controlling and destructive as when he is drinking. And then there is the whole case of charactors who he can bring into my life at a second's notice if I am boundaryless. I can't say it is the leave him/live with him issue for me. For me it is about learning to work on my issues, it is about how do I behave. I had a whole set of fantasies about the way I wanted to be treated/ rescued that I have had to take apart in order to get to how I got here in the first place. A huge one for me was being rescued and rescuing others. I have still work to do on that. I think at some point I may leave my boyfriend but it is no longer THE issue. The issue for me is in learning how to live with me first and put my needs and issues first rather than hide behind or make his the issue.
