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Hi all.....wish I'd found this forum a long time ago.....my husband has always drank, we met at 19 almost thirty years ago ...we have three beautiful adult children my youngest with special needs is 18 yrs old.....me being sooo busy with kids over the years I was blinded by how dependent to alcohol he was becoming.....about five years ago he seemed to turn a corner and it started to become worse(or maybe my eyes were opening).....he drinks everyday after work six or seven beers and then on his days off he has several more......it's funny though over the years ive started to notice that while he's drinking he's ok with me but its when he eats dinner and stops drinking for the night that's when I walk on eggshells while he's sobering up......soooo many things over our thirty years together we have been thru.....too many to write about here.....good and bad.....but the bad has taken over and he is getting worse the controlling and emotional abuse I can no longer hide from my family they see it too now and can't understand why I'm still here with him.......I no longer feel the way I did for him the love has gone replaced by pity for him and his health......but it's time I start being a little more selfish and put myself and my health first....otherwise Im going down with him and prob before him......sorry to go on.....xxx
Aloha Josephine and welcome to the board...you have described the progressive nature of alcoholism and you already know that it will take down everyone and anyone it is connected to. He is the one that is practicing it and you can step away from the insane nature of it by finding out where the Al-Anon Family Groups meet in your area and getting into the rooms as quickly as you possibly can. In the states the hotline number is in the white pages of our local telephone books. In Australia I don't know however who should know would be anyone in AA or your local hospital or psych-practicioner, or even the pastor on a local church might know. Al-Anon is on about every country on the planet...You are not alone and you need to come sit with us as soon as you can. Keep coming back here also. ((((hugs))))
Josephine, No worries about "babbling," sometimes we have to get it all out in the open. And it's not off the charts to only now notice alcholism b/c up until now you've been occupied with the kids and their life. The good thing was that it gave you purpose; the bad thing is, it's easier to focus in a relationship on outside issues besides the main one. Lastly, you might want to try to cut yourself a little slack--things didn't get crazy overnight, they're not gonna get better overnight.
Hello & Welcome Addiction is a progressive disease and as mentioned above will take you right down with it. We tend not to see it until it has become the big elephant in the room. I call that denial. And we all have lived in denial until things have spun out of control and our lives have become unmanageable. That's where alanon comes in. When I first came to alanon I was looking for help in fixing/curing my son's addiction. I was set straight pretty quick that this program is to help me not the alcoholic or addict. Well it seemed that wasn't helpful cause i wasn't the sick one! and I almost left. An oldtimer told me this "the program is free, please work it for 6 months and then if you find it is not for you we will galdly refund you your misery". Boy did that hit home! I didn't want to be miserable any more. So I stayed and this program has saved my life & sanity more times than I can count. I found that I was so emeshed in my son's disease as well as other family members I had lost sight of who I was long ago. I believe I was just as sick as any addict and my behavior showed it. Thru alanon I have found the person I was meant to be instead of living as a person others expected me to be.
We have meetings here online in the meeting room with members from around the world if you would like to join us there. I know we have Australia members so they must have face to face meetings around you. Please give us a try Blessings!
Thanku all I will join the online meetings, and also find face to face meetings in my area.....we r at a stage where we can't go out anywhere together or even away together anymore....his drinking takes over all facets of our life......don't remember the last time he has driven me anywhere at night......I am to blame for everything....yet I don't do anything .....thanks for the advice.....soooo tired...x
