It is ridiculous when you think of someone being an alcoholic and how they usually cannot and do not stop or regulate their drinking regardless of the promises and even with the best intentions. The big books states most of us chased the idea that we would one day be able to drink like normal men (and women) and we chased this delusion to the gates of insanity and/or death. He really is fighting the idea of being sober. That's how addiction works though.

What will help you? Well, your life won't end if he gets another DUI...he's the one with the worst consequences there. You also don't have to decide what you will do right now if something that happens in the future occurs. Work with what is on the table now...

Stay in the present.

 

Abtmc...dependant on  his weight and size and also the volume of the 1 beer he might not even get a warp.  Men's bodies are built different than females with more body fat and such so the metabolism is usually faster.  The "normal" person can do an ounce of alcohol per hour and the "normal" is suspect.  The alcoholic has a compulsion of the mind driving the want/need to drink and so keeping the intention is a crap shoot.  For him with two DUIs it seems that he leans in the way of crap shoot.   One of the studies I had in college revealed that usually when the person was caught driving under the influence they had already driven under the influence up to 400 times without being caught.  If he is a daily drinker that could happen in one year.  Turn him over and absorb a bit of acceptance that Pinkchip speaks of.  Allow him the dignity of the consequences of his choices and don't take it personal.  He's not putting a black mark on your character.  Maybe he can do it...maybe he can't.  Try not to stay up with the microscope to see if he can either.   Let go...Let God and if you haven't been attending Al-Anon yet look up the hotline number for them in your area and call to see where and when we get together in your town and then come join us.   (((((hugs)))))

Thanks so much. I realize that there is stuff I need to start doing to shift the focus from him and his problem to me and some of mine (definitely have room for improvement). Last night was bad. He was ready to go out immediately when he got home from the game. He hadn't stayed to the 1 beer per hour "under control" limit he'd promised earlier and clearly he was no longer able to stop his compulsion to drink. I was so hurt when he walked out the door to go to the bar down the street. I just wanted to spend some time with him and he just wanted to keep drinkin. I was hysterically crying and yelled his name down the street as he walked away, begging him to come back. I was falling apart. How embarrassing. I don't know how I've become this person... I've always been so level-headed and laid back. While I may be somewhat hormonal being pregnant and all, there is so much more going on than that. I feel like Im losing him more and more to his problem. It's intensified pretty rapidly in the past few months. Drinking 5 or 6 nights a week from maybe 2-3 in the past. I drive myself crazy trying to figure out why this is happening and what I can do. He felt really bad this morning and said he's open to going to a couples therapist who specializes in alcohol abuse. I am again feeling some hope, but am also so weary. I'm going to keep coming here, reading and hopefully make it back to an alanon meeting soon. Coming here has helped so far. I cannot thank each of you enough for reading and responding in such kind and understanding way. It's made life lately a little easier :)