Surrendering - Al-Anon Family Group

daisy chain · Veteran Member

Surrendering

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

To make it simple - Think of the serenity prayer. Surrender involves stopping the process of trying to control things you cannot. Instead of trying to better manage your husbands problems, better control, better influence....You just surrender the whole idea of changing him and focus on you.

As far as AA, the surrender involves surrendering that alcohol is ever going to be an option for me (though it is a 24 hour/daily process). It involves surrendering my old thinking to new ways...AA ways. It involves knowing that I am busted in my thinking much of the time still (and was worse in the beginning) and I need help. I surrender in terms of knowing I cannot do this on my own. I think in many ways the surrender is similar in alanon.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Daisy I agree with Mark I have copied an excerpt for Dr Tiebouts explanation that helped me.

In the article on surrender, I said: "One fact must be kept in mind, namely the need to distinguish between submission and surrender. In submission, an individual accepts reality consciously but not unconsciously. He accepts as a practical fact that he cannot at that moment conquer reality, but lurking in his unconscious is the feeling, 'There'll come a day' -- which implies no real acceptance and demonstrates conclusively that the struggle is still going on. With submission, which at best is a superficial yielding, tension continues. When, on the other hand, the ability to accept reality functions on the unconscious level, there is no residual battle, and relaxation ensues with freedom from strain and conflict. In fact, it is perfectly possible to ascertain to what extent the acceptance of reality is on the unconscious level by the degree of relaxation which develops. The greater the relaxation, the greater is the inner acceptance of reality."

Understanding Acceptance

In that paragraph the words "accept" and "acceptance" are each used three times. I saw at the time that surrender leads to acceptance. What I failed to see and emphasize was the very important relationship between surrender and the capacity for acceptanceat the time that surrender leads to acceptance. What I failed to see and emphasize was the very important relationship between surrender and the capacity for acceptance

daisy chain · Veteran Member

Thank you. Some problems belong to both of us like mortgage and household payments I think it's these type of commitments that keep me troubled and not able to focus on self. Maybe I should focus on how I can earn my contribution to the household payments.

I don't like sharing my problems with a recovering Alcoholic.

Omg I'm so mixed up!!

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

daisy chain wrote:
. Maybe I should focus on how I can earn my contribution to the household payments.

I don't like sharing my problems with a recovering Alcoholic.

Omg I'm so mixed up!!

Hi Daisy

I do not think you are so mixed up I think by shairng here you gained new insight into what you could do to focus on yourself and contribute to the solution.

You are wise we should not go to the Hardware store for Bread

daisy chain · Veteran Member

Thank you, I can see the Dr Tiebours description is very in-depth and enlightening I will read it a few times to help it sink it. I agree and can relate to submission. I have felt that on lots of occasions over long periods that I am putting up with for now but you see one day ...... In fact I have also verbalised this to the Ah when he makes fun of me I have said this recently. Seeing now my underlying anger and feelings I can see the difference clearly. If I surrendered I would not even be bothered. Thanks so much.

daisy chain · Veteran Member

Could u please repost the understanding acceptance description as I can't see the 2nd line of the 4 as there is a grey line across it, thanks. Thanks for telling me I'm not mixed up. You're right I am becoming aware . This reminds me of an Alanon meeting we had about the three A's Awareness, Action (can't remember the other.) again thank you for been there.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Daisy...here is the acceptance info:

Understanding Acceptance

In that paragraph the words "accept" and "acceptance" are each used three times. I saw at the time that surrender leads to acceptance. What I failed to see and emphasize was the very important relationship between surrender and the capacity for acceptanceat the time that surrender leads to acceptance. What I failed to see and emphasize was the very important relationship between surrender and the capacity for acceptance.

Keep coming back. (((hugs))) smile

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