The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I hear you and do so understand. I know the grief process is difficult and experiencing the overwhelming feelings of being alone and vulnerable is difficult to acknowledge and verbalize. I found that I changed much of my sadness into anger because it was easier to express anger and I felt powerful doing so.
I am glad you are here and had the courage to share.
When I experienced the loss of my loved ones I needed to up my meetings, make more alanon calls and increase my prayer and meditation time. HP did not elude me and I found the comfort and connection that trust in a Power greater than myself can give. I realized that once I had established this trust and connection,I would never be alone again . That by trusting HP I would be given the power to carry out His will with courage, serenity and wisdom I could not ask for more. Except that He do my will(which was my usual prayer)
I am glad you worked a 10th Step on the issue. Now remember to forgive yourself and let go of yesterday. One day at a time we will all grow together in this New Year.
-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 2nd of January 2013 09:12:37 AM
I guess I've always liked hearing that "today is another chance to get it right." Of course this has mean't not only days of second chances but years of trying to make progress. I am sometimes better than other times but I know I will never get it "right." I'm not sure I even know what it means. Yesterday was a very rough beginning to the new year for me. I realize once again that I'm having a lot of issues with trust. Due to my mother's death, I feel as if someone has ripped away my emotional security blanket. I feel like I'm floating in this planet unguarded from potential prey. Logic tells me feelings aren't facts but try telling my heart that. My feeling have really been coming out sideways in anger. I'm hurting the one closest to me and I'm left with feelings of shame and even greater loneliness. I've made more meetings, called more people and been to the doctor and begin a grief support group this week. I've been on very limited speaking terms with my higher power. I wish I could take back the words I spoke yesterday and the pain I caused. The amends I made seems hardly enough because my feelings keeping coming out sideways and I keep being forgiven. Lets hope I can do better today to honor what I'm feeling by responding to it instead of reacting to it. Thanks for letting me share this with you. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
My mother died 8 yrs ago and I remember that feeling of being totally alone in the world. No one can replace a mother and I remember feeling vulnerable for a long time. I think this is a natural part of grief. For me this feeling did pass in time and today I feel stronger. I need to rely on me and that is scary but over time you begin to trust yourself. In alanon I have found a place that makes me feel a little bit mothered and cared for.
I don't think there is a shortcut through grief, you may have to go with it and not fight it.
I am very sorry for your loss. I understand it very well. This year my Father (which whom I had very limited contact with after my parents divorced) will mark 26 yrs since he passed away. It also marks the 25th yr of my mothers passing. I remember when my dad died I felt orphaned even tho I was an adult, married and raising as family of my own and had little to no contact with him. When a year later my mom passed that feeling of being abandoned came back even stronger. Again even tho married to a wonderful man and raising my own family it just kept running through my mind "who will take care of me?". I was totally lost. And maybe I am being selfish but to this day I look at other people my age who still have their parents with them and I am envious. I get myself into a pity party now and again thinking how different my life or the lives of my children would have been had my mother lived. My daughter was about 3 when she died and I was pregnant with my son at the time. I feel they got cheated out of a grandmother, my mother in law isn't very grandmotherly so she wasn't terribly present in my children's lives. But with time I learned to rely on my husband because in reality he was the person who would always be by my side, I just hadn't given him credit for that at the time. Today I am working on forgiveness, both in the program and thru my church. As I have been carrying huge resentments since I lost my brother almost 2 yrs ago. It just seemed to rip open old wounds but this time I found someone to blame and I can't get past it. Do try to remember grief is a process, sometimes we have to go thru the process more than once before we go into acceptance. Know that we are here for you (( TT )). Love in recovery!
Thanks everyone for your understanding and encouragement. I appreciated hearing about your own struggles with grief. I'm sorry for your losses and the pain.
El-cee I do feel that vulnerability and I think you're right I'm just going to have to go through it. Yes, in a strange sort of way it does feel scarey.
Hotrod, the grief group I'll be attending is spiritually based and it might help to strengthen my relationship with my higher power during this time. I hope so. Maybe you're right about the anger feeling powerful. I think it may be a skewed way of expressing my grief - holding it together in anger instead of falling to pieces in a meltdown. Some days I feel so exhausted. By lunchtime at work, I'm already wanting to go home. Been trying to get enough sleep and eat healthy, low sodium, no sugar. It can only help. I'm glad I can wear jeans to work tomorrow and that there'll be less people at work. It will be more relaxing for me. These things are such a big deal for me right now. Everything is about "easy does it."
Xeno, I think this is the hardest part for me - the longing for more experiences, more memories. None of us really know how long we'll live but if believe there is longevity in our future the thought of so many years without that person is almost unfathomable. I am through two of the first now - the first holiday and my birthday without my mother. At best, I believe this will go from being very painful to becoming a dull ache but it will always be there.
Thank you for sharing with me (((everyone))) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
I had a lot of grief and loss when my father died. My mother died when I was very young so I didn't have a mother to raise me. Mine was a little different because I wasn't there when my dad died and that keeps me feeling bad....even today. My feelings for myself are good in the fact my dad left me with a good sense of what is right and wrong and gave me the love and support to make it by myself. He was the tough love dad :)
Now with the struggles with my son I sheltered him to the point I'm not sure he can take care of himself anymore, but I need to give him that chance like what my dad did for me.
The loss of a loved one is so sad for everyone of us and we grief in different ways but with our HP in our lives we pray for the pain to stop and move on knowing we had wonderful times and love from that loved one.
Like you said to me in my post I'm here for you and all the wonderful people on MIP
(((( hugs ))))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
