The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Its now been 3 months since i made the desciscion to seperate from my AW, at the time i had left i was full of resentment and anger, this contunued due to her behaviour for the following months afterwards, she decided to start selling all our belongings in the house for 10 pounds an item including a table and leather chairs. She has also told lies to make her family believe i was violent, and forcing her to sign a seperation agreement which i said to her on the phone that she can read it 10 times if you want and you dont have to sign it and please stop selling our things until you are happy with our agreement. Her mother was in the background and my AW was screaming down the phone "ill sign anything you want" making me out to be the bad guy. There is also romours that she has seen another 2 guys. This broke my heart but i had to let it go and try to focus on myself move forward with what im doing in my life.
Now she tries to contact my friends at the end of the month trying to get a hold of me, and the last time we spoke she said she was at step 6 openly admitted to friends and another human being the nature of her wrong doings. I know she was trying to get me back by appologising, but its always when im paid too.
I know there is a good person in there somewhere but the alcoholism has taken full grip of her.
Chrismas was good and so was new year being seperated and going out and enjoying myself with people who are good to me and good for me. But now things have settled im hurting remembering the things we used to do, and im also hurting because i feel so so sorry for her. And oddly enough i still think i love her. I know i have to move forward and i really hope i can move on and make 2013 a year for me.
I was told that it took me more than 1 day to get sick, so it'll take more than 1 day to get better. When your AW tells you what step she's on, you can say "Oh, that's nice." When she makes you out to look like the bad guy, "I'm sorry you feel that way." When she calls her mother, lying about you "You may be right." You're right detach, detach, detach.
I hear you and understand how you feel. Glad that you are taking care of yourself and would just like to say that if you continue to focus on yourself, one day at a time , while attending meetings and trusting HP, this year will be a one filled with courage, serenity and wisdom
Davie...welcome back and you're doing the right thing staying within your recovery. Don't React!! to what she is doing or what she is saying...those are her choices and we learn to allow them the dignity of their choices. Learn about loving her unconditionally the same way you love everyone else in your life and she no longer has the physical privileges of marriage with you. Loving others is natural...God given...exercise it. Wanting to be loved back is also natural and you get that from your friends and the fellowship including MIP. Loving yourself is what you are trying to learn now...you do not have permission to not love yourself love and treat yourself how you would want others to do it. The opposite of Resentment is forgiveness...that's a HP characteristic and we are allowed to practice it. Stay with program...Stay in program and practice, practice, practice. Keep and open mind and listen, listen, listen all I need to learn is in the program and all I need to do is keep it simple. Our's is called a simple program for complicated people...watch what works for others and then just duplicate it yourself. You'll be okay the rest is turned over to your HP. Keep coming back ((((hugs))))
