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Well, things were going too well, I guess. My AH had nearly 4 months of sobriety (not much, I know but big for him ) and then relapsed twice over the holidays. What makes the all the more dramatic is tonight was the most recent while we're out if town for a friends wedding on New Years Eve. We flew separately because of scheduling issues and he relapsed in the airport.
I'm proud of my reaction so far in this very not fun situation. I told him if he was going to continue drinking with the rest of the wedding guests, I wasn't going to join. So I'm in a comfy hotel room, enjoying vegging out as much as I can while he makes bad decisions. I did tell the bridal couple (my AH is in the wedding party and they are his friends) so thinking that might have been overstepping my bounds a bit. Just trying not to enable
I am very tired of this disease but I reminded myself I didn't cause it and can't control it. I hope he holds himself together for the actual wedding tmmw for the sake of the couple, but telling myself I can't force anything.
What pisses me off is that he becomes ridiculously dramatic when he drinks and goes on about how he "needs" to drink tonight. Yeah, right. What's more frustrating, is that he talks when he's sober how twisted us drinking thinking is. I'd appreciate any ESH - really feeling alone with this, but glad I'm not devastated right now.
I really do hate alcohol - and how it has such a presence in my life and pissed at my AH for not recognizing this relapse and taking steps to avoid it
My New Years resolution? Make alanon more of a priority and do things for me this year
Happy New Year for you! And your recovery. He will do what alcoholics do and they do not disappoint us. You are definitely not alone. I would suggest that you separate the issues and go back to Steps 1, 2, & 3. The reason I know this is because this is what Alanoners have told me.
I'm so sorry. It really sucks we get our hopes up so many times just to be let down. All we can do and move on and yes make alanon our number one priority so we will remain sane and at peace in our lives.
I fight everyday to not enable and remember the need to keep the focus on me.....which is so hard to do.
You think you have it beat just to be beaten down...
((( Hugs )))) Cathy
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Thanks all. I had foolishly thought we were on to a new path and did start getting my hopes up. I'm so tired of feeling like I have to pretend I'm happy with all this stuff going on. I don't understand this disease and just wish my ah could do whatever he needs to do to get sober
Hugs, I can imagine how difficult this is right now for you. I have had to remind myself whatever the A in my life does or doesn't do is not about me. I do not have to pretend to like it. Some of it really is not ok. I also don't have to allow it to consume me either. I only need to be responsible for my part, my reactions. And so the story goes. When I'm not in the middle of things then other people totally see on their own he's not ok. I have heard a saying and it applies to me. Well gee dad drinks, but what is wrong with mom? You can take out dad and mom and insert whomever's name. Understanding the disease of alcoholism better is good. Understanding why I do what I do is so much better and healthier for me. You are not alone. Hugs p :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
As the mother of an addicted son, I have learned to reduce my stress level by accepting the reality of his disease and the consequences of it for him, too. I simply don't know what is best for my son and I can't control his health or progress. I can, however, catch myself now when I'm feeling angry, depressed, frustrated or self-pitying sooner and work more on my own sobriety from my compulsion to try to run his life in the way I think it should go. I have a long way to go with this, but I'm better than I use to be. I separate myself from him when he's using because I can't stand to be around him then and make the most of the time I have with him when he's not using. Sounds like you are doing the same thing?
I hope you enjoy the room service and solitude of the hotel room (that's what I would do) and read a book or watch a movie to get your mind off your husband. You said he was sober 4 months but didn't say weather he was in recovery or not. Truth is and it was mentioned above Alcoholics/Addicts are gonna do what they are gonna do. And honestly any excuse will do. It sounds really like you are handling this situation well. Took courage to decide not to attend the wedding. And if the couple getting married are friends and know your husband they likely already know he's an alcoholic and what his behaviors are so you probably didn't "out" him. That was actually one of the biggest surprises I got when I got out of denial and began speaking about my son (who is an addict), everyone already knew! They just thought they would wait until I was ready to talk about it. Blessings
He is in recovery - attends AA several times a week but hasn't been able to get any long period of sobriety under his belt , mainly because of excuses he allows himself to take. I've stopped trying to analyze why he does relapse - I'm not an alcoholic so I'll never really understand. I am grateful for the days he is sober (wish all of them were that way!) and grateful that I'm better able to get through the days when he's not. His friends know he's an alcoholic, and understood last night and managed to get him back in one piece without expecting me to handle it. He's said he won't drink tonight (the actual wedding is tonight) and I believe him, but I guess we'll see. its new years and theres lots of triggers for him ( hes a combat vet, and wedding includes lots of his war buddies) but he knows ill leave him alone at the party if he drinks. The only boundary I've been able to set and enforce is that I won't be near him if he relapses. I love this man, but hate the disease and also know that I can't control his recovery. Just ready for him to "get" the program. Thanks to all for hearing me out. Six months ago I would have been out of my mind in this situation, today I just accepted it for what it is.
