There is a new year coming and I felt hopeful in 2011 heading into 2012.  I had just been to visit my mom, I was trying to improve my marriage and I felt like ok .. I have a plan coming into the new year.  The reality of my new year? 

I was a year into Alanon and I started attending open AA meetings in Jan as well. 

Found out STBAX was having a long term affair, he moved out, life got harder and easier at the same time.  For the first time I had to really reach out to others and figure out what I was going to do, because the A in my life had completely checked out there was no fixing anything at that point. 

I kept going to Alanon, kept going to AA and things really are getting better.  Not necessarialy the way I thought they should .. LOL .. they are getting better. 

My mom came to visit and with her always comes comedy in action.  The two of us together .. I swear we need our own reality tv show .. no one would believe me .. no .. they would .. they would sit the whole time and go .. I am so not seeing what I'm seeing and I can't look away. 

I went to visit my mom again, took the kids with me and we have memories I will cherish no matter how old they get.  My mom and I had some seriously funny situations go down and it's the first time I really have learned to enjoy her. 

There have been amazing changes in my life and I am grateful for them.  I continue to be grateful through the adversity I'm currently facing at the moment.  Court is coming in a little over a week.  I am buckling up because it's going to be a very bumpy ride.  I'm going to have two very pissed off atty's and possiby a judge we'll see how that goes down. 

So 2012?  Not the year I had imagined in my hopeful state of ending 2011.  2012 .. soooo much better than I ever thought.  2013?  I'm again very hopeful and very much curious to see what the God of my understanding has planned for me this year because a whole lot of doors have opened up.  The best part is I don't think it's the OK if you insist door.  I love that big time.  The other thing I have going into 2013 is 2 years of coming to Alanon and 1 year of going to open AA meetings. 

Without the F2F meetings I attend .. without the support I get from this board .. without the work that I choose to put into my own program and I know immediately when I do as compared to when I don't .. I wouldn't be here feeling so full of hope and letting go of all of the fear.  Now .. that's not to say I don't have my moments of dark fantasy buring the truck to the tune of Burn Baby Burn .. yes of course it would make me feel better .. ohhh for about a week .. I think I could squeeze a week out of it.  Ok .. yes it would make me feel better for at least a year.  No I kid .. I could probably get at least a week out of it.  Me changing is far more important than that week of feeling smug about the truck burning to the ground. 

Opps .. I got distracted .. my point .. oh yes my point, without all of you here, as well I probably would have had that moment play out (there are advantages to living in the country) and not been able to see that it wasn't the truck who has the disease it was the person driving the truck drunk that has the disease.  I in no way condone the burning of people, so I have to stick to burning the truck. 

Anyway, thank you and many blessings to all here as they travel their own journey's of recovery.  It gets better, .. it also takes work as well as time.  It is so not a straight line .. as nice as that is in theory .. there are a lot of twists and turns in that journey. 

Hugs P :)