I've shared that my exH (who was dry for 15 years of marraige and is now developing into a fully wet alcoholic) is very abusive to my 3 boys.  Years of court fights ended up with CA going with "access to both parents" over the safety of my children.  The abuse destroyed my middle son the most, he is being rehabilitated with my ex's Aunt in SoCal.

I was accused of being the problem for years and ignored it.  I fought in the court for 4 years and gave it up and while I didn't verbalize giving it to HP but I basically said "there is nothing I can do any further" and I let it go.  It was painful, heartbreaking and horrifying as I listened to another 2 years of on again off again abuse.  He was doing ok for a few months but just started up with the problems again.

Last weekend was "his" (doesn't count he has no place for them to sleep but he tried to make it work...) for Christmas time.  My middle son is up visiting.  He called the aunt repeatedly asking to "go home".  No one told me anything was wrong until Sunday at 11pm when my oldest texted me that his dad was making fun of him again and he's never going back.

I got a frantic call from the Aunt Monday morning telling me that multiple times she heard my ex on the phone and what she heard scared her and angered her so badly she was telling me that under no circumstances were the kids to go there ever again.  I have a court order to send them no matter what and one child is 9, not old enough to choose.  A friend of mine said "if it were me, I would refuse to send them and tell him to take you to court".  I decided I'd do that.

Before I was ready information was told to ex by the aunt and last night I had to tell ex the plan.  After verbally attacking me and me saying "we are done talking now" he said "see you in court".

But then he called the aunt to tell her he was taking me to court and needed her to come testify and she said "you do not want me in court, I will tell the truth.  You are a horribly abusive father, have been for years, refuse to get help for your drinking or anger issues and the children are not safe with you".  Apparently what followed was several phone calls by him over and over with her until she said he began to understand he had backed himself into a corner and there was nowhere left to go.

I have NO trust in this.  I did tell him "you can come here while I am here and see them at my convenience" but I expect that to be met with "no".  He's probably drunk right now.  The boys were brought into this decision, once they got to my house and began to tell everything they all said "I'm never going to dad's again" and I said "I'm not going to make you".

All I have ever wanted was to keep them safe.  I was so worried about his family taking care of my son but in the end the truth began to come out and it became a blessing in disguise.  Worst thing for me now is learning to use babysitters.  I'm going to do my best to not exclude him from everything however he will not be in control of this right now.  The way he handles this will tell me everything.  And unless he gets a lot of help, I don't forsee this getting better anytime soon.  He's very sick - this is not just alcoholism, but also mental illness.  But I can sleep better knowing I've taken a stand and I have not only the Aunt to back me up, but I also have others who have witnessed him.

God is good.