The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Going thru my first days alone since the seperation 6 weeks ago. Kids went to their fathers house yesterday and will not be back till Saturday. I had all these glorious plans to finish unpacking my bedroom and get it painted, now I am stalled and can't seem to find the motivation. Feeling a bit lonely. I want to call my AH (not the kids father) but know it would be wrong to do. I am finding myself making all sorts of reasons I need to, like help moving furniture in the bedroom so that I can paint it. I have not called and am making myself a promise that I won't, its just hard. One day at a time. That is what I keep telling myself. My counselor had me feeling pretty good about this process yesterday when we met, today I am just a bit down. I know that I need to take care of myself and you would not know it by reading this, but I am incredibly self sustaining. I change the brakes on my vehs, even changed out the radiator on one of them last year. I know how to use tools, build furniture, love to paint my house and can fix most of my things around the house. I will do most everything that needs to be done around the house on my own, have just had to learn how over the last several years since the AH was no help at all. I just wish that he was here helping now so am feeling pretty alone.
On the positive side, Christmas was a full of firsts and we did it really well. First Christmas without my AH and while it was good, still missed him very much. He called, after became abusive and unkind, I stuck to my boundaries, said I require respect and kind words, even when expressing dissatisfaction and hung up the phone. Dinner was another first. I have cooked many turkeys and love making Christmas goodies, just have never carved a turkey before. My 17 year old son and I butchered it and laughed at our mess, but we had some good turkey that night.
After sharing, I am feeling a bit better. Instead of feeling like I need help to move furniture, I am going to empty the dresser so it is lighter (duh!) and just do it myself. My solid oak headboard, which I am incredibly protective of since I made it myself, is a bit heavy, so I think calling a neighbor that I have known for years, is the better alternative. That is what friends are for, right? I can do this and am feeling motivated again. Thanks again folks for being a healthy sounding board.
You sound like you are doing well. It's difficult to feel on your own. It's not what you are used to. Be gentle with yourself. Call friends when lonely. Go to meetings.
Good for you cinders, you clearly don't need a man and you sound like a strong woman. Remember, there is some good, sound reasons for leaving and you have made progress with your recovery. Dive into your programme it always helps me focus on me.
Ohhh man I remember the first weeks on my own. Read some Melody Beattie "Codependent No More". Get some furniture sliders at the local harware store and blast some music that helps motivate yourself. Sending you love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Wow I wish I knew how to do some of that stuff! Kudos to you! I agree with the others above. Call a friend, meet for coffee. And the discussion doesn't have to be about the A. Sometimes just idle small talk can do us wonders. Gets our minds off of them and on to more positive things, or simply less negative things.
Big giant hugs!!! It's all really ok. I have found more and more I am exactly where I need to be even when things feel down. The nice thing is that this too shall pass, if it's a bad feeling or situation don't worry it will pass .. if it's a good situation and feeling .. don't worry it will pass .. LOL .. it's just part of the process of feeling feelings.
The first days, weeks, months can be difficult and I'm almost a year out. LOL .. at first I counted in days, then it was weeks, then it was months now .. I feel like i'm ready to move on to years. Welllll .. I'll see how I feel later on. It hasn't been a year yet, it's coming though and it feels good.
You are doing great!! You are exactly where you need to be and that is a good thing.
Keep coming back here and sharing.
Congrats on working your program!!
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
