The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Having lived with the disease of alcoholism we all need a program of recovery. Good move to decide to throw away the old self pity pot for the New Year.
Alanon tools, meetings, readings, steps all helped me to do just that.
-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 27th of December 2012 01:56:13 PM
It took my pity pot and emptyed out and read all my issues on paper I wrote down these are the things I do for the new year . Get rid of last year pity to start fresh part1 of 2
Sorry I was interrupted early. The reason I think al alon might not be working for me. Because my AH is fixing his problem and this gives my self a chance to take my crap out of the oven and put it on the front burner. A switch went on in my head, reason why I couldn't find peace with Al Alon is because of my past of child abuse has surfaced. And now taking over me.
I find the controlling AH is presenting to me in the way my abuser did to me . My abuser never drank he was in his mind when he did the cruel and brutal abuse on me, I could be wrong but . I think this and the new behavior of my AH becomming sober has brought worst problems that never been dealt with the front. Which is stopping me from accepting the fact it's now me with the problem. Does this make any sence?
Sometimes even when our A is sober, he can be mean to us.
Also, if we come from an alcoholic and/or dysfunctional family, that can add to dealing with present issues, i.e. living with an alcoholic, drunk or sober. And if they are still abusing us, it can be hard to know which is which, the present or the past; we are triggered. Our A's can remind us of our past abusers.
Also, we often pick the partners that are very much like our abusers/dysfunctional parents/alcoholic parents because that's what we know.
Keep coming back, even if you don't want to.
I keep thinking I don't need this, but I do. Alanon will have ideas on detachment and on grounding ourselves and taking care of ourselves.
It's not a fast cure. it's a process.
Allie
-- Edited by AllieinAlanon on Thursday 27th of December 2012 11:34:34 PM
__________________
Alanon is about self-care, not caring for the alcoholic.
I needed counseling and a sponsor to deal with my childhood and to live in the present. Keep working your own recovery program, get to meetings and focus on you and with time things will ease up. You get out of Al-anon what you put into it. Sending you much love and support!
__________________
Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Broken apart
Good to hear you. I know getting out of our self pity can be hard. It seems you found some answers. Hope you keep coming back. I noticed you keep saying your AH is controlling you, how so, maybe we can help. I know what it is like to have your every move watched there is help.
( hugs)
So you think I should still go to the meetings and still deal with this new sober husband and try to deal with my past child abuse. Because this is why I'm so complexed and unsure of the actions to take. I have to much to cope with . The problem with my husband still is there and his cheating is still in my mind . But my past is now and I see the abuser in my husband eyes . Traumatizing childhood
Broken apart
We can't change the past. Sometimes we just have to let go of it and accept it. That doesn't mean it doesn't always hurt. Try calling someone and talking about it. Are you safe and does your AH now this?
Yes I been to several counslers but never talked about my past . In fear no one would believe what I went through . I'm a little upset right now!!! My buttons had been triggered again. My AH. Went to the gym and feels great . He losing weight his spirits are up there . The confident person is back. And then I decided to go to the gym thinking . Cool I'm getting out ,, yeah true I am out but he drove me here!! And I know why!! Because he really didn't want me to go out . The control thing is kicking in again. So he drove me instead and gave me time to be picked up. I don't like this!!!
Broken apart
Easy does it. Take a deep breath. I'm not an expert in child hood trauma. I recommend you see a counselor about it. This way you are getting professional help. Why do you feel so bad that your AH is in good spirits and sober? Things could be worse like him drinking. Food for thought if he didnt want you to go out why did he drive you? Hang in there it does get better.
