The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm spending some of my holidays with my cousins. Big time problems.
Cousin A is a registered nurse. Cousin B is a double amputee, thanks to a rare condition known as necrotizing fasciitis (a.k.a. "flesh-eating bacteria"). She's lucky to be alive, and Cousin A is the reason she's alive. Cousin A is a very smart, conscientious nurse and helped in the diagnosis, which very nearly came too late.
Cousin C is hosting the family get-together. Cousin B and Cousin C are extremely close. Cousin B has developed an addiction to her pain-killers.
My aunt and uncle, parents of my cousins, are in a bad way. Both were absolutely wonderful people, and a devoted couple. Uncle has advanced stages of Parkinsons Disease and problems with depression. Aunt is also depressed, has had a series of small strokes, and has been told by her neurologist to stop drinking. Aunt has been a heavy drinker for half-a-century. I don't think she's going to stop at nearly 80.
Cousin B appears to have been emptying aunt's prescription bottles, and refilling them with aspirin. Cousin A caught this, and has been the whistleblower. Appears Cousin B has called in morphine prescriptions, presenting herself as Cousin A. My aunt's might have been killed by a recent stroke, where there was a lot of internal bleeding -- quite possibly caused by the aspirin she was unintentionally taking.
Cousin B's husband is in denial and stonewalling. He has sent Cousin A from their house. They haven't spoken for three months. Aunt and Uncle say forgive and forget -- they are in denial too. I don't think my uncle is in condition to take on aunt's lifelong drinking problem. So Cousin A is coming down on that, too. Cousin A has been banned by Cousin C from the holiday gathering, as causing too much stress between Cousin A and Cousin B and her kids.
Cousin A is rather confrontational -- but a wonderful person. This is all totally wrong and a product of denial. Cousin A is going through that self-questioning we all go through -- when the people closest to you tell you you're imagining things. I don't think she's imagining things; Cousin B has had a problem with drug addiction to pain-killers in the past.
I have told Cousin A the solution will not come from this lock-step family sitch, where everyone has had their own little song and dance down pat for years.
So I'm turning to all of you. Is there an equivalent for the MB board for this kind of problem? Cousin A could use some support. It's hard, since Cousin B's ongoing surgeries and treatments mean she's probably going to continue to need pain-killers; it's not like she can go cold turkey.
Cousin A is concerned that, since Cousin B and aunt both drive, the wake-up call could be a severe one -- like innocent people killed on the highway by people who shouldn't be driving.
I had to read your post a couple of times, all these cousins! But, where were you? You must be cousin D! lol What you describe is the typical alcohol affected family, you are in the right place.... alcoholism is, truly, the family disease.
Sometimes, I could bite my tongue, because I say, all we have to offer is the program, face to face meetings, the literature and sharing between friends. ALL. Alanon has saved my sanity, has allowed me to enjoy a life that had become bogged down with other people's problems. I thought I could fix them all, then it would be time for me. It doesn't work like that. By working this program, taking the focus off everyone else, and putting it back on me - I have gained so much. Still a work in progress - but it has turned my life around.
If you can, try to get to some face to face meetings, read some of the Alanon literature.... and be kind to yourself. It was hard for me to accept, but, the truth is, the only person I can "fix" is me. Once I grasped that, changed how I interacted with other people, life became so much better. The annoying thing was, everyone else in my life was glad that I had finally got off their cases!!!!
Thank you for posting - keep coming back, you have nothing to lose, and, my hope for you is that you will find some of the recovery that I have been privileged to enjoy.
I'm glad you posted. I'm working through Alanon & am an adult child of an alcoholic. My dad won custody of us when I was 11 due to mother's prescription drug addition. Grandmother also had prescription drug addiction. Dad is married to stepmom #2 who is a recovering alcoholic/drug addict. Sis is recovering A, I dated lots of A's. I tell you this to tell you I don't think there's any set in stone problem addiciton and the EFFECTS on you are what counts. I am in recovery from the effects of the disease on my life. I didn't cause my family's problems, can't fix them, and can't control them. I'm still learning that. What I'm learning in Alanon are the tools I never had for taking care of myself and dealing with my feelings. I welcome you here and like Flora said face to face meetings or online meetings are good to. There isn't a quick fix - sorry. The nice thing is once you start coming - you'll find people who relate to you in many ways as far as issues we face.
Well, some good news. I spent Christmas with the cousins' family. Much to my surprise, Cousin A and her husband walked in to join the gathering.
It seems that since I last wrote, Cousin C confronted Cousin B at length, and Cousin B, confronted with her sister/closest friend, did not deny what has happened.
This is a close-knit family, and I think with the two, very different sisters working together, there is hope. Apparently, some counseling is in the works. Although this by no means solves the problem (I expect it's a long road ahead), it does seem that the family is coming to grips with this.
Also, my aunt and uncle were brought to the gathering by Cousin B and her husband. Aunt complained (mildly to me) that she is not being allowed to drive -- but seems to accept the situation. While it is probably too late in life for my aunt to confront her problem -- at least innocent people on the roads won't be the victims.
