The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My daughter (22) is being released from a hospital in Arizona today. She was in an auto accident and suffered two broken ankles, a fractured skull and a small bone in her ear was broke. She found her way there, over three thousand miles away from home over a two week period. She left our state and traveled to Orlando, Florida. She was leaving to escape a bad situation here and thought maybe she could start over again in Florida and live with her dad. Her dad is an alcoholic and has always been verbally and emotionally abusive to her. Nothing had changed so she contacted her cousin in Arizona who said she could come and stay with her. I was on pins and needles as she drove cross country on her own. She made it. Her cousin and friends drink and my daughter could not say no, she has so many issues. She drove and was in an accident, she was the only one that was injured to any degree. I have tried to have an assessment done to get her into residential substance abuse treatment. I wanted it done while she was in the hospital but it didn't happen. Now they are discharging her after 10 days in ICU and they will give her a ride to her cousin's. It is a second floor apartment and her cousin left town yesterday for the holidays. I am able to get a home health care person to stop and check on my daughter and get her groceries and pick up her prescriptions, etc. at a reasonable cost. My daughter has agreed to go to a psycholigist twice a week for counseling and if she doesn't she understands that all financial help from me will end. One step at a time. I do not know if she is an alcholic, but I think there is a substance abuse issue and it is serious. I can't get much help though, can only do so much. I'm not sure that she would have even qualified for the resedential treatment program according to the criteria established by my health insurance carrier. I can't fight any more. If she will at least see a psychologist, it is something and I will help her, if she stops going, my help will stop and she understands that. She wants to do the counseling, she did not want to go to resedential treatment. My husband, her step father is frustrated with the money we have spent trying to help her. I do work and I have recieved money from an inheritance which I pretty much figured was helping to pay some of her costs. He,l by the way, is willing to give $43,000 to help his daughter out of credit card debt. Oh, but that is a loan. Oh well, point is, no one really wants to help you, they want to offer you support, whatever that means. No one helps you make the calls trying to get the assessment done or get the information you need. My sister is calling me about not wanting my daughter to stay at her daughter's apartment ( her daughter is 26 and she is the one who said it was OK.) Everyone in my family has advise but that only makes it harder for me to know what to do, pushed and pulled until I am ready to come apart. I am seeing a psychologist myself so that is who I will share with I guess. Merry Christmas.
What a situation - you must feel so alone, and worn out, with all of this.
My daughter is my A. She has been sober, with AA help for over 5 years. Six months ago, my son, not an A, had a psychotic episode.... long story, upshot was, he was committed to psychiatric ward.
I really, really, did not want him to come back and live with me. I love him dearly, but do not want to live with him, and, he gets agrophobic, bad for his health to be here.
So, he applied for social housing, I wrote a letter, saying he could not come here, psychiatrists backed him. He was turned down.
I know now, just when he was at his weakest point, in hospital, could leave, if he had somewhere to go...... that is when the bureaucrats would have helped. Got him an address, so he could be discharged, now, guess what, he is back with me, nowhere else to go. I want to help him, and support him. Am pissed off that authorities so willing to dump it all on me.
I really feel for you, you are doing the best you can. It is so unfair, we have to let our children become homeless, and unsupported, before the agencies will help.
I do believe in the program, detaching, with love, and all of it.... it is not easy, wish I could help. If you can, try to do some little things for you. If it all goes pear shaped, at least your child will have one strong parent.
Jut one more thought, Kathy, when my daughter was drinking, I used to say - if you do this one more time.... I will.....leave/not help/not be here. She kept doing it all, and, of course, my threats became meaningless.
Look after you - you can not fix her, or anyone else (unfortunately!!!! we alanoners would make a great job of sorting them all out, but, they will not let us!).
Lots of love, keep posting, you are in my thoughts, I know how it feels, when it your daughter.....
