The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been separated from my husband of 19 yrs after asking him to make the choice of alcohol or his family. I wasn't prepared for his answer that he didn't have a problem and wouldn't stop drinking. I have attended face to face meetings from that day on 4 months ago. I had been lurking on this board looking for the answers I needed to help battle this monstrous disease called alcoholism and realized I needed the face to face meetings for the support as well as the ESH that could be offered. It has been a rollercoaster ride with many dips and curves over the past few years. I was fortunate in that I had 16 beautiful years before the ugly monster of alcoholism reared it's ugly head. I think that makes this whole journey even more difficult because I had the chance to see and know the kind of man, husband and father my AH is capable of being. I also am fortunate in that I have the support of his family in this battle and we all are ready to be there for him when he is ready. When he is ready is the key phrase. I had an amazing thought today that gave me so much peace and serenity and will allow me to move on to a more healthy life.
I thought making it through the holidays without him in our home with me and our 16 yr old son and 18 yr old daughter would be the toughest thing I have had to endure so far in this journey. His birthday is Christmas Eve and our wedding anniversary is Dec. 29 so we have always had a full week of joyful celebration (until the booze became his priority). I asked myself today if the pain of losing him and not having him home with us for all the holidays and celebrations was bearable and if I could finish this week ok and do it again next year. I think my HP chose that time to speak to me because I instantly told myself that I would rather endure the pain of the loss of our loving husband and father and all the good memories than to have the pain from having a front row seat to watching him slowly kill himself physically, mentally and emotionally with alcohol as well as the pain it inflicts on us, his family. An immediate sense of peace and serenity came over me.
His brother, who is an alcoholic has decided to start going to AA after watching the destruction that alcohol has caused our family. He has a wife and 2 small children and I think he has seen what could possibly happen to him. He is going to ask my AH to go with him. I have to allow my AH the dignity of finding sobriety and helping himself and I think I can now do that.
Off to my face to face meeting tonight for some ESH. Thank you MIP board and Alanon. You have started me and my children on to a healthier and happier life and allowed me to stop trying to control something I have absolutely no control over.
Aloha Amy and mahalo for that post...It reads like it could come right out of the ODAAT or Courage to Change or the Hope for Today. I would title that one under courage and hope and perspective and more. I'm in support of this journey. When you get to the meeting see if they have Alateen available also for the adolescents. They have to be going thru the battle with you too.
I love your name because yes, .. life IS good regardless if the A is drinking or not. I'm so glad you are here to share your journey. I hope you will keep coming back because you are not alone and you are worth it!!
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Jerry-Unfortunately we do not have an Alateen meeting group in my town. I wish we did, because you are right, they are right up on the front lines in this battle with me. They have lost their dad to this powerful, baffling and cunning disease and are having difficulty understanding all of this. My daughter's senior year started off with the breakup of her once happy and loving family. BUT, she has said that she is grateful for the peace we now have in our lives and both kids are hopeful that their father will find sobriety and come back and be our rock he once was.
Alateens are usually welcome at face to face meetings. You might want to look up another meeting for your daughter to go to. I find that going separately makes it easier for family members to open up and share or ask questions. Maybe your sponsor or an Al-Anon friend would be willing to take your daughter and/or son to a meeting on a regular basis.
Just suggestions. Feel free to disregard. I wish I had had Al-Anon when I was that age.
In recovery,
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
