The material presented
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Hi i dont know what to do anymore or what im expecting from posting this really.
Here's my story:
Im with my husband 6 years married 1 1/2. We have 2 kids together and another 1 on the way.
He's sober now 13mths and is attending AA.
I attended a couple of Al-anon meetings at the beginning of this year but to be honest didnt find them any good. Now i only went to 4 or 5 meetings and i suppose i really didnt give them a chance. I think deep down i was thinking there is nothing wrong with me why do i have to get help. But i realise now i do need help aswell. I live in a small town and there is a meeting every week but only 3 or 4 ladies attend this meeting. They are older ladies (im only 25) and no disrespect to them i feel stupid talking at the meetings and could never really properly open up. Its hard with 2 young kids to get out of town to other meetings where there would be more people.
Since my husband has become sober we have fought more than in all the years he was drinking. I dont know what to do anymore, he is doing so well with AA and i feel like hes moving forward and im not, like im stuck in a rut. I suppose i just thought he had the problem, hes getting help so everything should be hunky dory, i realise now that's not the case but i dont know what to do?There is no one else i can talk to no family or friends would understand.
Well the good news in all this is you made it here. I can relate to the Al Anon meetings as the couple I have been to I was the only male there. I'm still gonna try again though. I have attended several of the online meetings in here at 9am EST each weekday. There are some evening meetings online here too. They are very good and I like them because you remove a lot of the notions you have from some face to face meetings, such as age, sex, etc, etc. I have found that regardless there is a lot more in common then I thought with people in different age groups, genders, etc. I am here most days and a lot of them several times a day. Try an online meeting. I also recommend the book "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Drews.
Just take things one day at a time and keep coming back!
When I attended face to face meetings it took me some time to find the right one for myself. Try a few - different locations, different times until you find the right one. For now, as I divorced the AH, I am doing therapy and reading up on my old Alanon literature and books. I am going to be looking for a group that also hosts Alateen at the same time and start going with myself and child.
Also, if you find the two of you fighting a lot you can always try couples therapy with a therapist specializing in addiction. It may help you two bridge the communication gap and work out some issues holding you back.
I wish you luck and continued sobriety in your household.
Hi glad you found us here...and i hear you when you say that the ladies in the group are older...but alcoholism doesnt discriminate against age class etc, and you may find that they have been through some of the things you are going through and have lived through it. just a thought.
Much love and support
Simone
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What a caterpiller calls the end of the world....God calls a butterfly
I truly believe Al-anon meetings are the most helpful. I found my sponsor and worked the steps with her and I have a great new outlook. MIP is very helpful as well reading and posting here. There is so much Al-anon literature to read that has also helped me. Give it a try and see if you feel better. Sending you much love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I think its pretty hard to hit a meeting that feels right. On the other hand there are other things you can do. 1 is to read literature. 2. Get the book Getting them Sober.
3. Go to meetings here if you can (obviously whereever you go its a hard slog because you have family commitments. 4. Build a life outside of your husband, expectations are what grounds so many of us. When someone first suggested that to me I was furious but the more independent I became the more I liked myself.
Thank you all so much for all your replys. I will definately get that book "Getting them sober" I think after christmas im going to try and get to face to face meetings, ill just set aside the time for myself and go. I know no-one judges anyone no matter of age, sex etc so i just have to rember that when i go. And like someone said someone might have gone through what i have and may be able to help me. Thanking you all again. Ill let you know how i get on.
