The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I don't like how things have changed for me. I don't see it getting better. I am trying my best to survive everyday that my partner stays sober and I stay sane . When does the controll stop ? The drink is gone but the controll has been activated and I am drowning in the old drink
Recovery takes time. Although I still have a long way to go, I found that reading Al-anon literature, f2f meetings and listening to Al-anon and AA speakers online were the starting point for me. Praying the serenity prayer over and over and really analyzing the words of that prayer were also helpful in getting me started in recovery.
The slogan Let Go and Let God sounded trite and kind of shallow to me at first, but now that I have a deeper understanding, I use that phrase in my daily life about all sorts of issues, not just my A.
Detaching with love from our A's, whether you stay with them or decide to physically separate yourself, can be tremendously difficult, but will help you achieve peace and serenity.
The moment the light bulb went on for me concerning my attempts to control my STBexAH happened one night when he was drinking and I was frantically trying to communicate with him about how destructive his drinking was on our relationship and our children. As I poured out my heart and begged and pleaded, he looked at me with a dead, cold stare and said "I'm not changing for you, or anyone" and picked up his beer and took another swig. That was it for me. Things like that had happened countless times before, but that day, something changed inside me and I realized just how sick I had become. I realized, finally, deep in my heart that I had NO power to control or change him. It was then that I reached out to Al-anon and decided to do something about ME.
Please keep coming back. I swear, it is so worth it! YOU are worth it!
I live around people who are very controlling and it is incredible difficult to extricate yourself. There are techniques in al anon that can help. One is to not start arguments. The other is to practice detachment. Of course when we first learn to detach its very difficult to do. So give yourself a lot of space to be a beginner.
The other thing I would suggest is to get the book Getting them Sober. There is no timeline for what your husband will do in sobriety. There are no guarantees for anything.
I do know that al anon has helped me tremendously in setting boundaries and holding to them none of that happened overnight but they did happen. Boundaries help me from being overwhelmed with other peoples stuff.
