The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
8 am Christmas morning, second try, watch those fingers Ann, dont want to hit the exit button accidentally again!
I shoveled my snow already but its already re-covered my porch, but it is fun shoveling because the dopey dog tries to catch every shovelful of snow jumping in the air at each attempt.
Watching frostys winter wonderland on dvd, not a great disc because it is only sorta coming in lots of pixel distortion but the sound works and I am not really paying attention to the pic.
Last nights Christmas Eve fun consisted of eating bad for you snacks and watching the Avengers our plan was to watch Dr. Who (yeah, we are nerds) but Netflix service is down (and how nice it was not to hear how terrible the service is, why do we pay good money for it (we?); and lets disconnect and get dish network, we dont need extra channels or receivers, we can all watch the same one.. oh joyous peace!)
The Christmas Tree is pretty, small and covered with ornaments, Ive had 30 years to collect em! Not a lot of gifts under there, but it isnt about gifts, right? For me, its about being able to have a special day, special meal, special food, special shows and music and being able to ENJOY them all in peace. I really like using the phrase I first heard here take what you want and leave the rest in relation to Christmas and all holidays doing what you want and not worrying about the rest.
Im experiencing addiction of another sort my neighbor is addicted to cats, yes, cats. Unsuccessfully, I have tried yet again to convey how my life is affected because she refuses to stop feeding her cats outside. Feeding the cats outside attracts the stray cats, they move in because they find food, she names them and her population grows she is up to 8 with a 9th hovering. How does it affect my life you may ask? They urinate on everything in the garage we are supposed to share, I dont/cant use my side because there are puddles of cat urine on everything left in there not covered in plastic and covering in plastic is the only way to protect it (other than not leaving it in there in the first place!) They come onto my back porch and urinate now, they fight with my two cats in my yard, and, they have found their way into my cellar and its beginning to reek of cat urine too. Last summer I decided on a boundary of not trapping the skunks attracted to her cat food, no sense in it really, another will just move in. Now Ive considering trapping the stray cats that come along 8 is enough, she isnt going to stop, when I try to reason with her she refuses to see anything wrong with it and Im tired of dealing with the consequences of her actions. In trying to discuss the issue with her, I am reminded of how it was when trying to discuss things with Mr. Ex the denial, defending, shifting blame (I have two cats.so am partially to blame) and manipulation why am I not being nice like usual?
What does that have to do with Christmas? Ha, not much, except to say that I can understand having an addiction for more things than just drugs and alcohol; and I wonder if I do something, without thinking about anyone but me, that could be construed as addictive? Are there aspects of my life that are addicting and do I deny and justify the reasons for continuing? Are there things I do that negatively affect others? Things I blindly go on doing because I refuse to acknowledge their existence and effect? Something I guess I need to consider over the next year.
Snow is still falling, my alarm has rung twice to walk down and feed a friends cat (some irony here, ha, I know, he adopted the stray and goes out of town a lot, so always arranges for someone to feed it leaves baggies of each days food in a cooler but not full dishes left out to attract others to consume)
My daughter will sleep until noon; Ill put the ham in the oven, peel potatoes and do all the other stuff necessary to feast later. There are those who think I must be lonely because I dont have anyone special to share the holiday with, but I really get that it is SO much better to be alone in peace and tranquility than living in crisis mode 24/7. Guess Ill get bundled up and walk down the road, Betsy will LOVE the walk in snow. Merry Christmas to all, thanks for being here and I wish you peace and joy.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
I dealt with a different issue same thing though .. my neighbor believes because they are "country" they can do whatever they want in terms of animals this includes releasing unfixed females into the area and then refusing to feed them. So I have become the feeder of strayes. Thankfully because of where we are there are not many of them. BUT .. the unfixed female started having babies, the first liter wasn't so bad because they were all boys .. they were very nice tom boys. No major issues there, again .. we are in the country and good mousers are hard to come by. However the second liter was girls and one boy .. soooo .. I thought ohhhh nooo .. this is getting way way way out of control. I had asked them to fix the female, even offered to take them in and unfortuantely that didn't go over well. Sooooo .. you know .. we are country after all .. not to worry no such extremes were taken at the same time .. we are down to 1 boy from the original liter unfortunately the other two were hit by cars. There are none from the second and mom just kind of went away. Now there are two more kittens .. however what do you know .. the female is fixed and that is all I ever asked in the first place. I truly don't mind the cats .. I mind the neglect.
As far as Christmas .. WOO HOOO .. I love the peace. I will miss my munchkins they are going to his families .. ehe .. not thrilled however HA .. I get to play with the santa gifts while they are gone. I have left overs from last night and that will be lunch/dinner for me looking forward to that!! Plus I will be baking some cookies and just enjoying the fact I'm not running around on eggshells wondering what is wrong.
Someone shared yesterday about how loneliness is a very selfish/self-centered thing .. I had never thought about it like that before and I was grateful for the share because it's normal to feel lonely .. I just don't have to stay there it's a feeling not a fact. I love that. Things can be done to cure lonely .. move a muscle, change a thought. I like that a lot as well.
The same person a few days ago shared about the line "God grant me .. " and how the word grant was not give .. our peace and serenity is not given it is worked for and granted by the God of our understanding. It is a good thing that it's not given because so often a gift is taken forgranted. I blame God when things don't go right and I take credit for when things do.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I am sorry about the cat situation. I know how hard that can be. Addiction is addiction, as you have come to realize. It does not matter the substance.
You are asking yourself some really good questions. They speak of the maturity you have gained and worked hard for. Keep asking.
Have a Happy Christmas.
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
