The material presented
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Left to practice in the church praise band for Christmas Eve service at 4 today. Wife was to come join me at the 8:00service. At 7:50 whenshe wasn't there I knew what had probably happened. Then she got there, I saw her for one moment, but she never came said hi to me, just went home immediately afterwards. when I got home she had invited some neighbors over, and she seemed good enough. But after the neighbors left and she relaxed and let her guard down she was exhibiting the signs.
I looked through the usual hiding places and found 1500 ml vodka, with about 200 ml left. I don't know how much she had tonight, and how much has been "sustaining" her the last few days.
Merry Christmess to us! I just started all-anon and I am getting what is going on here mostly. The other day I told her I would stop judging her so harshly for drinking. But I haven't yet started setting up boundaries. Please pray I can do this effectively for both her and my sake.
I really dont want to deal with the boundary discussions tomorrow so I will just let go and let God I guess until tomorrow night or Wednesday morning.
Thanks for listening.
-- Edited by KennyFenderjazz on Monday 24th of December 2012 11:48:36 PM
Aloha Kenny F and you got the prayers....Good courage in keeping off her back cause from my experience that never helped my spouse standup tall and work on change. I hope your Christmas celebration is nice..been there and done that which was an awesome spiritual practing in my life. I of course will keep your wife in my prayers too. HP already knows and one more person bugging HP might needle HP in helping a bit quicker...You do your part and you wife has to do her own. If she doesn't you still gotta do yours.
Merry Christmas ...sing and play your soul out. (((hugs)))
Just keep coming back. A lot will change in the next few months or a year. It is amazing how much working on keeping our side of the street clean makes a difference in our lives and our happiness.
I will pray for you to find a bit of serenity this season. Once you taste a bit, you will want more. Al-Anon will help you find it.
(((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Remember the three Cs: you didn't cause it, you cannot control it, you cannot cure it. She is gonna drink, that is what the alcoholic does. What are YOU gonna do? I know it is easier said then done, cause I still struggle at times with it, but the search for alohol bottles and tracking their drinking will only lead to insanity for you. Keep coming back.
I hope you keep coming back! It gets better, it's not going to get better all at once. It's just like Jerry said once you get a taste you know what you want and it's more serenity and peace.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Remember the three Cs: you didn't cause it, you cannot control it, you cannot cure it. She is gonna drink, that is what the alcoholic does. What are YOU gonna do? I know it is easier said then done, cause I still struggle at times with it, but the search for alohol bottles and tracking their drinking will only lead to insanity for you. Keep coming back.
You are probably right about the bottle counting. However I am still new enough that I want to make sure I am right. Also she is in denial (starting to crack as of this morning) so having a little physical evidence is good at this point. The bottle counting will probably pass soon, one way or the other.
I can relate to the proof, but this is how mine played out a few months back while I was still doing that...
You drank some wine last night. Her reply, no that is a bottle that has been sitting there for like a week. My reply, no it is not, because this morning before I left for work, I looked at it and it was a different empty bottle then what is in there now, different brand. I know what I saw! Her reply in a loud tone, ok so you caught me, I drank. I lied, are you happy? Se then storms off to the bedroom slamming the door.
No matter how much you check and search. She will drink. If you confront her, what will happen is she will try to do a better job at hiding it. If you find nothing does that mean you will totally be at peace she is not drinking? And when you search and find nothing does it mean you search more and then start to wonder "what am I missing? She must be hiding it better. How much is she hiding?" Etc, etc. It will never stop for you unless you stop it. If you have the urge to search, you already have your answer, which is her drinking regardless of how much or when is a problem for you.
If you have not already done so, you should wait until she is sober and in a calm and non-confrontational manner tell her you have a problem with her drinking. Do not ask questions or expect anything to change. You just voice your feelings on the matter and then move on to something else, like what is for dinner, how was work, to, etc. Telling her once is fine, a second time is nagging. I also recommend getting and reading the book "Getting them sober". Is is a cure all, no. Will it help you, yes. It has saved me from complete insanity. Keep coming back.
Big hugs and I also remember being new (I STILL consider myself new by the way .. LOL) and not so long ago that I still need that confirmation that no it's not me it's soooo them and the disease at work.
When I realized how far I had grown in the program was when I started realizing that the God of my understanding provides me with whatever I need to know when I need to know it. Even if it's stuff that happened a LONG time ago .. it all comes out in the wash. I still get into that I wanna know NOW mode .. LOL .. my will and I always make a mess (not saying this is you .. this is so me though I need a 12 step program stictly for meddling and plotting).
You will so get there, when I come here, continue to go to face to face meetings (I up it here when I can't get to those), I also attend open AA meetings those help me a great deal, I also know my limitations, what my triggers are (HHALT, or I'm not in a good place spiritiually). I do try and have some kind of reading going, daily readers, a self help book, something to help me out of whatever binge thinking I've got going on.
It gets better and regardless of whatever anyone's alcoholic/addict is doing or not doing .. I really focus on trying to keep whatever level ground I have going so I remember I can start my day over any time I wish.
Hugs to you and hope you had a wonderful holiday, P :)
PS - The book Getting Them Sober is a very short read with some very good tips, ESH and sound advice in those 66 - 79 pages which ever volume you read. I believe there are 4 vol's.
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
