The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband been sober 45 days and that's wonderful this is what I alway wanted for him. I never thought it would change me. My depression is worst . I seem to carry his pain on top of mine with no break and a happy day. When he comes home pissed off and SLAMING things and gets kids up set then mad at me because I'm not showing him what he wants . I so angry for the way my life turned out. He has his good days . I don't just like before when he was drinking. He still find a way to make me feel its me. A good friend of me told me to say the senarty. Pray I been I still feel no better. It's Xmas eve my house is full of sadness and anger . All I here is I'm sick and I'm sorry . Well I been sick to and it hasn't got any better a piece of me is dying every day. I'm at this point of surrendering and giving up. I went from 250 pounds to 130 with In a year .. I hate this diseases I thought cancer was bad . This is worst .
You sound just like me. I lost 110 pounds from the stress in about 7 months. My kids see me hurting and they seem to be the only ones that care. (((Hugs to you)))
RR I do feel your pain. I know it is so hard going thru all this & so emotional & overwhelming. I too lost 146 lbs over the past 10 months. The toll the stress took on my body was insaine. Since moving out of the home from my Abf/fiancé I hurt physically much less ( I'm a chronic pain patient) my muscles ache less, my migraines have stopped, I can sleep at night, and so many other things. I have been amazed at the difference in my body with the stress and emotional rollercoaster removed. I'm not saying removing yourself from the situation is the answer for you - but it has been the answer for me.
I pray your HP will lead you to the answers you need. I know it is hard to live in the incertainty.
Aloha RR and thanks for the courage to bring that here with trust. You and your husband are in early recovery and now that you don't have the alcohol to blame the situation seems much much worse. I too expected the better with my alcoholic/addict wife got clean and sober however I found out later in the program that my problem wasn't her...my problem was me and my lack of awareness and understanding of the disease of addiction and my part in it. I also learned that my spouse being clean and sober wasn't the same as my spouse being a dry drunk...she was without the drugs and alcohol and she still had the same thoughts and feelings and habits...so did I. One of the saving graces I learned was that there was an opposite emotion/feeling to anger and for me anger and rage both of which I hated feeling. I learned from an early sponsor that the opposite of anger was acceptance. I could not feel both at the same time because they were polar opposite. Acceptance isn't about okaying what is being done or how and only that is has happened and I could let it go...Accepting the fact of it. I let all kinds of stuff pass in my life from people cutting me off in traffic to kids yelling and screaming around my peaceful home, to neighborhood cats and dogs crapping in my yard and all kinds of stuff. When I accept that it has happened and then let it go it no longer can hurt or anger me. Work at it. He's early in being chemical free and a big part of his life is missing. He isn't right or wrong...he's alcoholic and the disease has affected you deeply also.
If you are not attending face to face Al-Anon meetings already I would suggest you find the hot line number in the white pages of your local telephone book and call and get there as soon as you can. You deserve to know more about what you can do for you.
