The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So, it's been crazy dealing with visitation issues with our child and exah. Today I dropped her at his family party and low and behold he brought the crack addict GF with him. I breathed. I recited the serenity prayer. I kissed her and wished her well. I reminded myself that the bulk of the others there are not addicts; dysfunctional, but not crazy addicts. She is in a safe place today surrounded by the steady people in her life. I await her text for pick up.
Her therapist is right. Controlled visits, short with me driving are going to have to do for now. She's on the verge of refusing entirely but given his aggressive, violent behavior it's easier for her to blame it on me then take the brunt of his it if she discloses her true feelings. Sad. So toxic when she just wants his love...
But it made me think...I am thankful for the serenity prayer. I am thankful that my child trusts me enough to tell me what she feels. I am more than happy to bear the brunt of his anger and blame for all that is wrong in his life. (hell, I've been taking it for years!) until she gets old enough and strong enough to say it herself. And she will...one day.
I look forward to continued happy times with her, health in my household and good holiday memories for us to share. I deserve that, she deserves that.
I have also taken up a suggestion from a friend and will take some kickboxing classes to help outlet some of the frustrations in dealing with this situation. I treadmill, therapy, move forward in other areas and now will have another healthy outlet to utilize.
So, I continue on...and ask God to continue to grant me the serenity...
That was an awesome post. The only thing I was confused about was "being happy to bear the brunt of his anger and blame for all that is wrong in his life." I stopped doing that when I broke up with my ex-A. I adamantly rejected every bit of that cuz I had enough to focus on with me without having to be weighed down with someone else's issues. He may have continued thinking it for quite some time. Nonetheless, after I'd had little to nothing to do with him for over a year, it did not surprise me that he started to blame all his problems on some new crackhead partner he latched onto (a similarity I also noticed in your story). So anyhow, I'm guessing it's not that you are happy to take the brunt of his BS, but more that you are content in knowing he is nuts and you can't stop him from being distorted in what he believes....so long as he doesn't take his anger out on your daughter.
Prayers for you and your daughter. My uncle was an angry violent rageaholic alchoholic and his children wound up being more emotionally mature than him when they reached the age your daughter is at about now. It's a tough spot for a kid to be in. I hope she has other males in her life to know that men can be kind and gentle also.
Well, happy to take it for her. Not really happy to take it. He won't talk to me. He just blames me for "keeping her from him" when he shows up drunk. Manipulates and twists and blames. Total addict, right? So, I will continue to be the bad guy - for many years I'm sure!
"Kick boxing" now there's a suggestion...Your post has hope in it abby and that's good. I hope you find the face to face meetings of the AFG in your area and go sit in and listen for a couple months just for you so that you know your not alone and have support around the clock. The hotline number is in the white pages of your local telephone book and there's a chair with your name on it just waiting. Merry Christmas. ((((hugs))))
