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what an eventful day, and my hp did for me what i could not do for myself...
Things haven't been good with the ex abf for a little while, since august when he assulted me in a blackout he moved out, we have been trying to have some sort of relationship, he didnt live here and i set boundries. What he couldn't understand was why i didnt tell my parents we were trying to work something out, I honestly feel i made it clear that I was not prepared to tell my parents, and that he would have to gain my trust and we would go from there. (I didnt feel confident that this could be fixed)
Resentment has built because i didnt tell my parents (i wasn't comfortable with the lies and it has caused me much anxiety, but I was not prepared to let my parents worry and lecture me). The truth is i am also scared finacially how i will cope, he never gave me regular money would bring dinner round and get electric or gas if it ran out while here). He gave me money for xmas, in total £600,.
My parents gave me £500 a couple of weeks ago to help me with presents for kids. (when they gave it to me i felt terrible, taking money under false pretences, but i didnt know how or what exabf would for xmas). It has caused me alot of worry and emotional discomfort)
Anyways after yesterday him not being around to look after our son while i worked, (had to ring work and explain abf has let me down). He came round today after yesterday me having to resort to tellingg him to leave or i would call police, after a heated discussion about how i was witless and scared of my parents and not telling them we were trying to work things out. He came in here again smelling of alcohol, and starting with my 15 year old and his friend, I did call the police because he was raising his voice saying the same as yesterday and that I took his money (he did take £325 back yesterday). Police came and he was gone, he came back barged through and punched my son and his friend called his dad, also he grabbed the 4 year olds presents and said he was taking them because he payed for them, (he didnt pay for them all).
Short of it he didnt take the presents and when friends dad turned up, it became full on fight that my 4 year old saw, dad being put on his ass, and do you know while i watched i kinda thought that maybe he now knowss how it feels, he is a bully when he is under the influence.
I beleive now that god has done for me what i could not do for myself. It has to end, because if he can hurt my kid and take away the magic of xmas for our 4yr old, then as their mum i cannot be in any kind of relationship with him.
I feel bad that maybe my part of this was i clung to him not out of love but for some kind of financial security. Now i am on my own with my hp to guide me, he truley did what i could not do for myself, he has to go to police station, although he doesnt know me or my son are not pressing charges. he is getting a warning. But with being on probation he will think he will be kept in detention. I will pray for him for all the things i want for myself to help me release my resentment.
Vent over and thanks for reading.
Simone x
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What a caterpiller calls the end of the world....God calls a butterfly
I am so sorry that this dreadful disease has invaded your home and caused such pain during this magical season. It is great that you took constructive action and called for help.
Simone, I can relate to this. It took some drastic things to happen before I really was at the point of saying "Thank you God for finally showing me what a #@$@#$ he is" in terms of my ex-A. It took a level of drama to shake me up and be like "um no...this can't be my life" "I don't accept this." I can understand clinging on to the relationship cuz you have a son with him and wanting to think things will get better. I can also understand looking aroudn and seeing what you think are happy couples settled into happy domestic bliss and clinging to the notion that it could still happen with this guy even though it's getting obvious it cant and wont. Trust me, you are not alone though in what you just experienced.
One thing I know about alcoholics and addicts is that they HATE boundaries. They often want to own you it is frequently stated in meetings (in AA meetings believe it or not) that alcoholics don't have real relationships and it is more like they take hostages. My guess is that as an emotionally insecure and angry person, he couldn't handle the new boundaries and since alcoholics also can't resolve resentments, the new boundary being in place left him feeling enraged and powerless and he couldn't deal with it. Once you didn't waffle and cave, he exploded.
That is who he is and his disease has him totally in it's grips right now. I hope you have some plan for ensuring safety. I'm not sure why you are not pressing charges for his theft and violence, but there needs to be some safety plan in place in case he shows up raging and acting insane again.
