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so i've had a good week or two with my A. I didn' t think everything was fine, but I felt better, calmer, like life might be OK. Last night she went out, didn't let me know where she was, probably drank, and this morning was acting like everything is fine. Thin
Things are not fine. I'm not fine. I told her she can help us or hurt us-last night she hurt us. Now she is twisted. I feel anxious and my neck hurts, but I will try, try I say, to enjoy part of my day. I'm glad not to be with her until dinner time. I plan to enjoy some things for me today. I want things the way they were so badly, and they will never be the same. God what a codependent bond I have with her. Lyne
Hi, I don't think it is a co-dependent bond. I think you fell in love and she didn't have the same definition of love. When you have someone who can go out without concern for you and not consider you and your commitment to eachother, there is definitely a difference in the type of love you are experiencing.
You are right, things will never be the same. I had the same thing happen to me. I really had to do an intense 4th step all about MY definition of marital love. And I had to decide for myself if I could live with the reality of my marriage. I decided I could.
We ALL SLip... Don't Beat yourself up about it... This is Her Disease, we are just the by standers & Witness to this horrible disease in its self... Every Person here has differances but we also have a Common Bond.. A REAL Bond when it comes to this disease, and the disaster it can leave behind if we don't start taking care of Ourselves 1st... Them 2nd or even 3rd...
This Program Will help you get to a better Place as long as you are willing to Do the Steps it takes to help you get there... I being an Alcoholic myself have learned beyond anything I ever thought I would on this very board... I am Now 2yrs Sober... And I Did that IN Al-ANON... When I Started to see that all the pain here... I was Still Causing... It was ME! I Always wanted to Blame the Alcoholics in my Life instead of turn that mirror around on myself, but when i Did! And I Looked at how Crazy I allowed the Alcoholics to make me, I Realized I NEEDED a Change...
And the Wonderful thing about this Program, If you are WILLING... It will Come! My Husband is that of a Binge Drinker and when things get to be to much he would tuck & run! Since I Quit Drinking and Quit Catering to his Every Mood Swing, I have Seen a Differance in HIM (With out Program) Just as I have seen it in me! When I Took the Focus OFF Him! And Placed it Back on ME! I Grew... And thats what its all about... My Husband has only "Binged" ONCE Since I Quit drinkin and that was when He lost his mom... But Even then... For the 1st time EVER... He didn't Piss me off first! And then Tuck & Run... He Told me he was goin to camp, and was gettin Drunk! I Stayed home, and let him work it out! His Struggle Not Mine! And Being an Alcoholic believe me there was Days I PRAY Hard Not to Jump back in that Bottle, and thats when I get to an Al-Anon Meeting, This Board Or another... I have Lit. in Every office, every car, camp, home... So When I'm in a Funk... I Hit the index in the back of the Books, and I Find Peace for ME! And allow them to have their own Junk!
Please Take what you like... And LEAVE the Rest... This is Only My Experience and Hope it helps you find your way! A Way that is For YOU, Your Sanity and Your Peace... Holiday times are Tough! But YOU CAN DO IT! And YOU are VERY Worth it :) Place yourself back on the to-do list, and do something GREAT For YOU Today :)
If I had a coin for every slip I have when it comes to my own emotional sobriety .. I don't think I could make it more than 5 min at a time. It's life and sometimes trying to work a perfect program perfectly really gets in the way of true growth. Without the slips there is no real growth .. I don't encourage break downs, I do encourage being human and very gentle with yourself. None of us have arrived at this place over night and it's going to take more than 30 days to get better from years of behavior. Chances are it's started a LONG time ago and now trying to undo all of it at once just isn't going to happen. It happens little by little with a lot of time inbetween and lots of lots of practice. I love the fact that you told on yourself, at the same time be gentle with you.
Great job at knowing what didn't work and knowing that you weren't ok.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
