The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am in a position where I am possibly the only trusted adult of a teen girl. She lives with neither of her parents but has access visits with both at seperate times. Her parents are not together and are not on speaking terms. Both parents have issues with drugs in varying degrees. She has recently confided to me that she feels trapped as both parents offer and provide her with marijuana. She recognizes that this is not what she wants to do but can't see alternatives. My first thought was to avoid the visits for a while as she is at an age to choose. However, she feels this will cause her more stress as they fight her over it. Does anyone have any suggestions for me? She is a bright girl and I don't want to see her pulled down the wrong path by the struggling adults in her life.
Alateen for sure. If I were her counselor (which I am not) I would try and get across that it's okay to love her parents but there are reasons she is not being raised by them and those reasons include drugs. Her parents are not evil, but it's okay to not be like them in crucial ways and to actually stand strong on that in her relationships with them. She probably will tell you she doesn't want to wind up like them so she should understand that she shouldn't act like them in that way either. She should also be able to understand that parents either consciously or unconsciously groom their kids to be like them....hence, this is something they are doing maybe without knowing how bad it is....but she can say no and she can stop it.
A big problem I run into with teen girls growing up with addict parents is that they don't learn how powerful the word "NO" is. They don't acknowledge they can say no to drugs, sex, other people victimizing them...
Of course I am speaking in generalities, but I don't know any better way to get this stuff across based on what I've seen.
I agree that she has to be "gently taught" that saying no is the right thing for her life. Girls are so easily manipulated into doing what they don't want to be because of societal pressures that she has to always be nice. I raised 4 daughters (and had 3 teenage foster daughters) and I always taught them that they had to do whatever they had to do even if it meant hitting below the belt....metaphorically or physically if neccesary. They should recognize and avoid situations where they are talked into something that is against their core values as a human being. We teach them not to get into a car with a friend (or parent) who is drunk. How is this any different?
Get her to AlATeen if they are available in your area. This web site also.
THANK YOU... For Being apart of & Caring for this Girl! When i Was Younger & My Mom & Dad Split, my Mom went from being a stay at home Mom to a "work 3 jobs" mom over night, which left me with WAY to much time on my hands in a Town were Pot & Drinking was about ALL we had! Peer Pressure is Tough for Gals or at least in my experience... And I Didn't have anyone I Felt safe Confiding in...
There was Many in my life that would try and stear me one way or another, and honestly I Just wish I could have had a "Trusting" bound with another adult women... My Dad had many women, and I got along with them, still do... However they all were an addict of some drug of choice, so pouring my additctions out to them I didn't feel safe with...
Sometimes all a teen gal needs is an Ear to Hear her Pain, and a Kind word to help Guide her to Self Confidence... Be Her Possitive if you can! If Able... Show her Happiness and Trust... And Explain like it was to me when i got here! NO ... Is a Full Sentence, you don't have to explain it, you don't have to worry about how they take it, and you don't have to be Mean about it... Just NO...
I Can only Speak from my Own Back round but I Hope something helps :) Again GOOD FOR YOU For Being there for her
I'm Also in Agreement that Al-teen or Al-Anon would give her Strength.. And HOPE :)
Thank you all for your support. "No" is very difficult for her...she has been trying for so long to get approval from her parents that she doesn't want to disappoint them. Standing up to them feels like arguing for her and she does her best to avoid arguments as she has seen her fair share of those. I will ask her if she will let me take her to an Alateen meeting, but at the very least will bring her to this site and continue to talk to her about saying "no".
For Being there for her 