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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Anger
Post Info TOPIC: Anger
StargazerLily


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When I hear the sound of the ice jingling around in the glass, I just want to scream. Her speech begins to slur and she starts to get beligerant. I have alot of issues with anger and having her here like that is almost unbearable. I can feel myself about to break. I know when it happens it ain't gonna be pretty. I don't know how to tell her what I'm thinking and feeling. She's the one that taught me that my thoughts and feelings didn't matter and I still believe her on some level.

When she says things that are out of line to my 5 year old, I snap at her. But that is really hard for me too. It takes every ounce of courage that I have to speak up to her. Last night when I had to say something I had to fight back the tears. The tears really surprised me. And I guess this is where the anger comes in. Everything that I stuff down comes back up as anger. Seething anger.

My dad has had a job for a couple months now. They want to buy us a deck for Christmas. My husband and I would rather they use that money to find a place to live. I think my mother wants to buy us a deck so she will have somewhere to sit this spring and summer. It just doesn't make sense to me for them to buy a deck when they don't even have their own place.

I want my space back and I'm getting angrier everyday. The anger is getting harder to control because I had to stop taking my anti-depressants due to losing our health insurance this summer.



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Lily
Debilyn


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This has to be a very hard situation. I know for awhile I wanted to move in with my son. Have a separate little apartment.

But what was good was he was completely honest with me what his boundaries were. I needed to know that. As it turns out I am ok in my own home.

I really invite you to be honest with your parents. Its not fair to anyone to not be allowed to enjoy their own home.

This may be a good opportunity to say exactly what you said here. "Hey mom thank you, however I would rather see you and dad get your own place, than do anything to our house." See where it goes.

I really believe in To Thine Own Self Be True,  hugs

 



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Pushka


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What Deb said plus it's ok to be angry, it's soooo important to find ways that are healthy for everyone concerned to release. It's absolutely important to be able to feel them allow them to process and begin a new day anytime you choose to do so.

I imagine that all of this would bring up past resentments of your childhood (I'm guessing here). I love my mom however living with her is soooo hard I don't know if i could do it. We have managed a few weeks here and there and it IS important to state and restate your boundaries.

To thy own self be true very much so and something that would help is an alanon meeting. It is a safe place to get out from under the ick, find ways to express that are positive and live in the present instead of the past.

Hugs P :)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
pinkchip


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Star, it would be good to find a way to stand up to them but not go overboard. I don't know the answers for your exact family situation, but I do know that if you let a resentment fester, it could explode on you. Best to address issues as calmly and appropriately as you can. Good luck in doing it with 2 alcoholics though. I know your situation is hard but you can speak up and make your ideas known.

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maryjane


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Maybe you can say something to them that will put the deck into the future..... like, "right now I want you to use your money from your job to find an apartment for the 2 of you and them next year or the next year we can both put some money into building a deck."

Your frustration comes from more than having 2 alkies live with you. You need your own house where you can raise your own family. You have worked hard to make that happen and they need to respect you for that. And YOU need to respect yourself for that. I came right out and told my dad that my house was not the place for him. He needed a senior living center. And he was much happier there.

Take care of yourself. Find an AlAnon meeting in your area.

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maryjane
Jozie


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((((Star))))

You are Braver then I... Your Anger is Nothing to Play with, it is an Emotion just like all the others, but I too Believe that if you let it build to more resentment, more Festering, it could very much back fire... I have been told here Often, that when Setting boundry's its Always best to:

Say what you Mean... Mean what you Say... But Don't say it Mean! And thats tough when all you have is anger tords them currently...

I know that as an Adult I Couldn't live with my Mom... I Love her to death don't get me wrong, but 2 adult women with very differant views don't always see eye to eye on alot of things, and throw hormones into the mix and its down right UGLY!

I also agree that if you have a F2F Meeting in your Area, it will be a Wonderful Escape and a Wonderful Place to Release some of the pent up anger and find Support & Love from others that Completely Understand what it is that you are goin thru,...

KEEP COMING BACK! This place is also Heaven Sent ;)

Friends In Recovery... One Day/Moment at a time

Jozie

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Breakingfree


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Aww I can so relate, one of my favorite slogans come into play here, "Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean." I used to want to please everyone and sell my own wants short but then I would feel resentful, so I finally learned to say what I needed to say and use this slogan it has helped lots. Sending you love and support on your journey!

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

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