The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I work with a woman that does notary, so I finally was able to get the divorce papers back from her last night. I have them in hand and just could not get myself to put put them in the mailbox to him today. I know he is chomping at the bit and demanding they get sent to him asap, even saying to drop them in his mailbox since I pass within a mile of his house while commuting to work, but I am just not ready to do it. I know that once he has those papers in his hands he will be running to the court house to file them.
Am I avoiding the inevitable? I still don't want to admit my marriage is over, but in my heart, I know it is. I know that I have done the right thing. I see my children happier and I am also much happier, but today it is just hard. I like knowing each day I can enjoy my home and my kids without the stress or fear of the drinking. I have reconnected with my family like never before and am finally starting to enjoy life again. The changes in my children are amazing. I have a son with Aspergers and he struggled so much with my AH, his step father. That same son, he powered through the move and has become the most reliable of my children in getting chores done and helping around the house. Before, I could barely get him to come out of his room, let alone do a chore. He is like night and day since we left. Just that alone has comforted me in this change.
I think with the holidays coming it has caused a little bit of depression to kick in for me but I have one more shift at work and then I have a week of vacation. I get to paint my new house and spend time with my kids. Can't wait for Christmas with them this year. I am excited to wake up Christmas morning, spend time with my kids and not sit next to someone that is drinking a glass of wine at 8am.
I have decided, I will mail the papers tomorrow when I get off work. I know that this is the right thing and I am finally ready for it. Today, I will head for bed (night worker here) and not even think about them anymore. I can feel my HP holding me tight and lifting me up through all of this.
Thank you for your powerful heartfelt share. The courage, wisdom and serenity that runs through the post is a huge testament to your hard work in program
I pray that your Christmas and New Years are filled with all good things.
-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 21st of December 2012 07:35:34 AM
Sending lots of love and support. No one ever said the right thing was the easy thing. The hardest thing is coming to the conclusion what is best for me regardless of how hard it is.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
SO Glad you are here... Thank you for your Honesty as I'm sure you are struggling... I'm Grateful you feel your HP's Presents & See the Wonderful changes in your Children... I am a Child of Divorce, and my Father was the A... I Seen Many Angry Moments in my LIfe when the disease took him closer & closer to an end... and I was Grateful I had my Mom's Family to support me & help me thru it!
I Was 9 when they split & being a young gal I had many struggles, but I Will be Honest in saying, I ALWAYS Just wanted someone to trust, and I have made it Very Clear to my Son, that regardless of his Feelings, about myself or his father... I Will Always Listen, even if I don't like it! because that was the One thing I So Desired as a Child...
You are Working at Great Program... Keep up the Good Work, and it Seems as tho your Children & Family have Really Turned in Support of Your Decission... Tho Tough! Its Sounds as tho you are Goin to be Just Fine ;)
