The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It Truly has been a Tough last 10days... I know this time of Year brings out the More "Crazy's" then we are use to on a regular basis, at least it seems true for me! Last week putting our young friend to rest was Tough! And to know that Addiction WON again, is Heart Breaking... However, His Pain is No More... It is only in the hearts of us still here! Knowing that his big smile isn't just around the corner anymore... Is Heartbreaking...
When I was sitting in this funeral home, which i have done a 100 times over, (My hometown) God brought to me those that I Needed to see, Some that i had Easily forgot, and others, Well... I Just wonder when I will be sitting there for them... And How Soon... :(
I have been Going thru some of My Old Post, and Just since I Have landed here, just 4short years ago... Addiction has fired on my heart at least 6-8times in losses to this disease, and those like it! When I Look back it doesn't seem to be letting up! My Emotions at times get so Overwelming, because I want so bad to SHAKE these people and say... "LOOK... See where it Leads!" And yet I know that if they are not ready to accept then it will do no good!
I have always believed that even tho they are no longer of this world, It is still my job to respect them and thier Life... When I went to the Graveside of this young man, he is buried next to my Best Friend I Lost our Senior Year... So I Know I will see him often enough... For i Visit her about 3-4 times a year! Even 20+ years later... Not because she is there but because when I am there... I Feel her Peace Surround me! Just as I Do when I Visit all those I Loved & Lost...
This Program is not for Sissy's... But it is for those that WANT & NEED a Change in their Life, and Need to Feel like they Can & Will Make a Differace, even if Only in your own life... Change Frieghtens the Tar out of me, but knowing I have such a Strong Support Behind me helps me realize how I have to keep Moving forward, I have to Keep Passing on the Wisdom, Support, & Courage I get from such a Place as this! In hopes that those struggling Too Can Find Peace regardless of the Cituations they currently find themselves in...I Believe we all Need HOPE...
Had Someone told me 4yrs ago that a "Message Board" was going to be My Saving Grace... I would have Laughed in your face, but its not just this Message board, its the "Al-Anon/ACOA Way of Life"... Its the Positive side that always keeps coming back around when I am Struggling to find Good! It is the Feedback from those before me that continue to work their program, and Continue to show up here & at meetings and Share their ESH With me and others, its the Hugs at the end of a meeting that say... "I'm Here for You!" and its the voice on the other end of the line that says "Its going to be OK!" I have been so Privaliaged to be apart of something that has truly Changed the Course of my life for the better...
Al-Anon/ACOA has Forced me to take a LONG HARD LOOK at ME! and I still Struggle... I Still Fall back from time to time... But i'm not done yet, I'm Not Striving to be Perfect, I am but striving to be Me!
It was brought to my Attention the other day by one of my Nearest & Dearest Al-Anon Pals, that tho they have "Known" me thru Al-Anon for the last 4yrs, they often wonder "WHO" I am! I've been thinkin on that... And Honestly its a Question I Ask myself alot! Just about 2 months ago, a Lady I Share with often, I told that I Could Never Look in the Mirror at ME! I Could Look & Put lotion on my face, Maybe Makeup, but I Never Looked at ME! She Challenged me to look at myself everyday and say "I Love Me!" Well... I Never realized how hard that was ... Till I Tried it! I'm Not over the hump yet! BUT...I did Grow My Hair Out to my Natural Color (I Haven't seen it in 20yrs), I have been Spending more time "Looking" in the Mirror, and Tho "I Love ME!" hasn't been easy, Just being able to See... That I'm OK! Helps me Daily! I know i Will get there on the "Self Love" But after being brought to believe I was Never Much of Anything but unwanted... This is a Tough Step! But I have Faith HP Will Get me there! Sooner or Later :)
My Mom Growing UP was VERY Negative, and Screamed alot... I Believe the only reason she was a screamer was due to her FEAR of being a Single Mom of 3 kids by herself after being a House wife for so long! We have come a long Way My Mom & I & When I Recieved her "Early" Birthday Card in the Mail the Other day... It Truly Touched My Heart, and hearing what she wrote, was truly a Blessings, For it took so Long for us to get to such a place... I Am FOREVER Grateful for the Love of My HP, and the Blessings placed In My LIfe :)
This is what she Wrote:
The Card: For Your Birthday Daughter:
Sing a Song, Hope a Hope, Dream a Dream... Smile, Laugh, be Joyful... And forever keep in your heart what it is that makes you so Happy!
Inside; Hope this year brings you some special little happiness every day... With Love on your Birthday & Always Mom!
She Wrote: This Card is So You! You have the Kindest Heart that anyone can have! You show love in the most Amazing ways. Know that you are Loved! You make me so Proud & I Know how loved I am By You! Happy Birthday! I Love you Forever... MOM
On that Note: May God Bless Each & Everyone of you thru this Up & Coming Holiday! May you Count your Blessings instead of your Fears! May the Love of this Program Grow in you One Day at a Time, and May your Heart Grow Larger with every waking day!
Merry Christmas... Happy Holidays.... & Happy New Year to You all... Thanks for Being here for me without fail! I Am Truly Grateful :)
Beautiful post, just beautiful. So glad your here, and Merry Christmas to you and a very happy new year.
Great esh, it was funny how you posted about the msg board and how it helps you so for me too (i was just thinking how blessed I am to have you all here). God bless you and keep looking at that mirror your are truly beautiful inside and out. Mwah xx
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What a caterpiller calls the end of the world....God calls a butterfly
Sis...Mom was so right!! It's your heart not so much your face that is so beautiful. I can say that without fear because I'm thousands of miles out of your reach and then I bet I'd get a really warm hug. ((((hugs)))) and gratitude for you and your love.
