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I have noticed lately that my husband looks like he is 8 to 10 months pregnant. Now, I am not a doctor, but I am pretty sure it is because his liver is enlarged. He is drinking at least 1/2 a case of beer every night and when it isn't a work night, he drinks even more. I frantically called his mother this morning to ask her of her opinion, she agrees that something needs to be done. However, in the same conversation, she mentioned to me that she requested he bring her some liquor over the holidays. GRRRR, she is incourageable! The reason she doesn't get it herself is because she lives in a "moist" county, meaning they sell beer but not liquor. Anyway, that is another subject for another time... . I called her because I don't want to do this alone, he will only see it as me "nagging" once again. And over the Thanksgiving holiday, she saw first hand how much he can drink. We were staying with my parents (where he cannot drink, because my dad hates him drinking) and he would go to her house to drink and then go back to my parents. Every night we would go over there around 5 and he would drink a 1/2 case before leaving around 8. Then he would usually have me stop to get another 1/2 that he hid in the trunk of the car and would sneak a beer or two when taking the dog out.
After getting off of the phone with her, I called around to different places and no one can do an intervention for less than $3k. and we don't have insurance. So, having a professional interventionist is out of the question. Does anyone have any advice/experience with intervention? I feel that he needs to hear from someone else that he is ruining our lives and killing himself in the process. I can talk to him until I am blue in the face, but to him, I am nagging. I really need help but I really don't have anywhere to turn.
-- Edited by almostgivenup on Monday 17th of December 2012 04:08:57 PM
If it were me, I would get to every face to face meeting I could and take care of me. We can't control the alcoholics only ourselves....there are good meetings here in the chat room.
I'm sorry to say that interventions, even by professionals, have a very low success rate. Often they get the alcoholic to go into rehab, but the alcoholic doesn't stay sober. The best thing is if they decide on their own timeline to get sober. Sadly many of them never do.
It sounds as if your husband's mother may have a drinking problem too. If so, it would be no wonder that she wants to use your husband to get her some.
The thing that has the best chance of working is if we take care of our own recovery and serenity by working our own program. That sometimes sweeps the drinker right along with it. And whatever happens, it means that we will make it through.
If you can say factually "Your stomach is distended. I'm worried your liver is swollen. I am scared for you. Please get help"....and you say that with all the sincerity you can and he still experiences that as nagging instead of concern.....well that just tells you how sick he is and how entrenched he is in his alcoholism.
That is a sinking ship and you are better off jumping into your own row boat (alanon) and start rowing. Doesn't mean to leave him....just means to let go. He is sinking...it's sad...very sad. But do you or I have the power to make him stop sinking? No. You can still love him through it but it's not going to be easy to watch.
I'm so sorry your husband is suffering so badly with this. I'm sorry you have to go through it also.
. I called her because I don't want to do this alone, he will only see it as me "nagging" once again. And over the Thanksgiving holiday, she saw first hand how much he can drink. We were staying with my parents (where he cannot drink, because my dad hates him drinking) and he would go to her house to drink and then go back to my parents. Every night we would go over there around 5 and he would drink a 1/2 case before leaving around 8. Then he would usually have me stop to get another 1/2 that he hid in the trunk of the car and would sneak a beer or two when taking the dog out. 