The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My relapsed alcoholic husband finally ask me to call to get him into rehab again.
This will be the second time. He started drinking about 4 months ago after being sober a year and is now
To the point where he misses work and is passed out most of the time.
What do I yell my 6 and 8 year old about where daddy is - specially a week before Christmas?
They don't know about alcoholism , they do know daddy is sad and uninvolved.
I dont even know if I can stand by him again. He has put me through HELL and I can't do this again.
At the same time, I feel like I have to stand by him for a better chance at recovery.
This is so difficult during the Holiday Season. I do hope you have found an alanon group where you feel comfortable. I would up my meetings for the support
Remember that alcoholism is a disease that often requires medical and emotional treatment from a specialist. I would keep it very simple with the children and tell them the truth . Dad is sick and is going to the hospital for treatment.
I will hold positive thoughts for you and your family
Aloha Looking and this might be a gift opportunity for you and for your husband...Hand him the phone number for the rehab and suggest he call them himself, that you haven't caused his alcoholism, you cannot control it and it cannot be cured. Like Hotrod suggested increase your attendance in Al-Anon and keep coming back here also. If you are attending face to face Al-Anon meeting see if they have a literature table and ask if they have the small animated booklet..."Whats Drunk Mommy" and get it. I've seen that one help before....Keep coming back here for support. MIP knows what you're going thru cause weve been there and done the same thing. ((((hugs))))
al-anon publishes a booklet titled "what's drunk, mama?" (golly I hope it's still in print!) that discusses alcoholism and it's affect on the family in a manner suitable for our little ones. it talks about the family disease, it talks about meetings, it's even got a lovable dog named "ruff"... anyhow, it's written lovingly, easily explaining things to younger children. it will help! it should be available at your local al-anon literature center or at afg, inc or you can try al-anon/alateen.org on the computer--good luck to you and your children--do try to get a copy.
our experience also shows that as we get better ourselves, our children get better, too. we talk about "how our changed attitudes can aid their recovery" when discussing our alcoholic loved ones--but it holds true for our children as well.
My abf had to leave the family home because of increased verbal abuse and eventually violence due to his disease progressing and had more and more blackout episodes. I explained to my 4 year old that daddy had to move out because when he drunk beer he became angry. (kids aren't stupid they feel and see more than they say). I said that daddy was moving out so he could get better. My son understood this.
Good luck to you and your family
Simone
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What a caterpiller calls the end of the world....God calls a butterfly
At 8 my paraphased this issue as any 8 year old would .. daddy went crazy and daddy had to leave. They get far more than we give them credit for, they also see a very complex situation extremely simple because in essense that's pretty much how things went down.
What I have shared with both my children is whatever their dad does or doesn't do .. this is just not about me, it's not about either of them, this is something their dad has to sort out for himself and we can pray that God (the HP of my understanding and their own understanding) sees him through his journey. He really is doing the best he can even at times where his best just sucks big time. It's the disease it's not how God made them or who they are.
I also try and give my kids an outlet of some kind .. for my eldest it's therapy. My youngest is wise beyond his years there are times I just listen to him and find that because he sees such a direct line it actually helps me. That can be said for both of the kids .. they are learning a lot more than I ever did about what it means to have tools and deal with life on life's terms. They get that life is about choices and there is always a consequence when it comes to said choices.
Hugs P :)
Welcome and I hope you will keep coming back there is no easy answer to any of this, it's just doing the best I can in whatever situation presents itself.
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I'm not sure what I would tell the kids. I would try some version of the truth, but tailor it to their level of understanding.
As far as feeling like you have to stay with him in order to better his chances at recovery.... That one is not necessarily true. You have your own choices and they belong to you. When there is nobody left to blame and to enable, some might argue there is a better chance at recovery. Of course, a person may decide to go into a full-on pity party when faced with divorce and drink more....
My point is - His recovery can go either way. If a person is ready to recover for real, their marriage splitting up is often an eye opener. If they are not ready, it's just another reason to drink. It doesn't matter what you do. Back to what Tom states - He is either going to drink or not drink. What are you going to do?
