The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm learning a lot but I'm still sad. I can't seen to get myself together and get a life. I work, sleep, eat and go to meetings working my program but not much else. I didn't even want christmas around here but I decided to try something so I got a little tree I had out in storage and decorations and put it up. Was nice when I was decorating it but now its done. It's pretty but I thought about my son way too much.
I got a call from him this morning and I know he's sad and lonely but I can't make him happy. He was hicupping a lot and that's a sign he has been drinking. I don't know just sad. I kept it short because I didn't want to talk to him anymore......just brings me down. When I hang up I cry.
I pray I will be given serenity and happiness in the future but I am still having a lot of ups and downs.
It's so hard but I can say one thing....I'm staying on my side of the street just not living on my side.
-- Edited by Cathyinaz on Saturday 15th of December 2012 04:22:22 PM
-- Edited by Cathyinaz on Saturday 15th of December 2012 04:23:42 PM
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Thank you so much for sharing your lovely trees. They are both so beautiful and have touched my heart.
This a lovely season of lights and I try to appreicate, the lights, the colors, the sparkle and love of the season - one moment at a time. When the bitter sweet memories enter, I remember and then move on to the current moment.
I too am forging new memories. Keep showing up for yourself.
-- Edited by hotrod on Saturday 15th of December 2012 08:00:26 PM
-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 16th of December 2012 09:28:37 AM
Good for you, Cathy! Yes, it's raining here, we need it. I'm sad as well because it means I can't go outside and get away from my AH today. I just feel trapped. Keep praying, turn him over to your Higher Power, and live your life as hard as it is. You will find joy in the little things again. Maybe keep a journal of all the good things that give you happiness or joy? Sometimes I focus so much on the bad stuff that I forget to be thankful for the good and for the beauty in this world. Sending you lots of cyber hugs today!
Cathy, you described an enabling history with your son and that often occurs in the context of also being enmeshed with someone. It sounds like your son has been your best friend in a lot of ways too so you are really grieving the loss of a relationship in that things are changing so much and it's happening fast.
It will take some getting used to and some stepping out of your comfort zone in order to redefine your life as a healthier person without your adult son dominating your thoughts and actions so much. More will be revealed.
In terms of my recovery with AA, I did nothing but work and go to meetings it felt like for a while. I felt kinda similar to what you described. It was like boot camp for a new life. It will pay off if you just keep it up.
I think my problem is I didn't raise my son after the age of 13 because his father fought me for him ( divorce ) and I let him go. Guilt lots of guilt.
When my son came to Arizona to get a new life I overcompensated so I would not lose him again.
He did so well and made a good life for himself....but mom was always lurking around.. :)
When the drinking started I did everything for him in hopes of a cure.
I thought is was my fault for so long.
Wow....8 years not taking care of me so I'm a little rusty.
Need to find friends again.....I'm way to alone.
Well put up the tree and going to make some goulash and salad for dinner. I should be making a meeting but I have to be honest...I don't want to go out tonight.....so my excuse is the rain and cold. Will read and play my games on facebook...lol. I'm so hooked on those games.
God bless all and have a nice evening and thank you for the hugs. We all need them daily
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Your tree is beautiful. Here is my teeny tiny tree....Sometimes I get stressed during Christmas time, but then I relax and remember the reason for the season. I too am alone and am looking for my own passions my own needs, my own joys, it takes time because this time around I want to make sure I do QUALITY LIVING. I want to find real authentic people to befriend. I had a phase of mourning the loss of "my little boy", whom I had so many hopes for....The reality is he is who he is and I cannot change that, and I must start from here and go forward. I know at times I get burned out reading self-help books and some times have to put them down for a good biography or fiction for escape. I guess what I have learned is that no one is going to do my changing for me and if I work hard this can be exciting.....
Minus 40 today colder tonight with a few feet of snow, I only go out if I have to, too many Christmas shoppers for me.
It is what it is...Our's is the only christmas lights on and around for great distances and it seems people are pre-occupied with life at the moment. We are also and honestly my wife was the one that strung them up this year. The lighted crucifix for me stands for the real christmas tree considering that no other "gift" as great has been found beneath any other one since. We have lots to be grateful for and some stuff we'd rather not have present in our lives however this really is progress...not perfection. We've had some cold Hawaii style and I'm not going to mention the lows cause then I'd be saying I can still whine. Have a gander at the "real Chrsitmas Tree" and let go and let God. Prepare for the good stuff. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
I'm sorry you are sad. I know how that feels. I remember going through a stage in my recovery when I just felt so sad for some time. I hadn't been able to feel much of anything for many years besides anger. But after I began my recovery I learned to feel the fear that was buried deep until that passed, then the sadness. It was about the time that I really learned to come to grips with the reality that my husband was an A and what that meant to me. I mourned a lot then. I mourned the loss of my friend, my idea of what marriage was, my idea of who my kids father should be, my idea of what I wanted my life to look like. It was a very sad time, but I got through it with lots of tears, feeling the sadness and sharing it with others who understood, just like you are doing now.
It will pass. Most things do. In time you will feel other things that have been buried a long time. Happiness has returned for me, though I must admit that even when things are going good, I have to stop and remind myself to feel the good things, too. But its much easier these days and my hopes and dreams for my life and my loved ones have changed. I could never have imagined the life I have now. And it's pretty darn good. I think I had to let go of those old dreams and mourn them in order to find the new ones.
(((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Many of us are in transition. Not easy. My tree is in storage. I changed jobs and moved after 24 years in the same place. I moved in with my 90 year old mother. My AHSober left the marriage. We would be married 39 years on Christmas Eve. What do I do to get into recovery? Go to meetings, read the literature, talk to my sponsor, and then start all over again. There are many of us in the same stituation - trying to separate from the disease of alcoholism.
Nancy
PS I did go into my storage unit and pull out my sons Christmas stockings.
