The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Jules You took all the correct actions to protect your children and to find them help. Alanon suggests that you continue to be a parent, to love your children and provide a healthy environment for them to recover.
Being a parent we have used all the tools we could think of to force solutions and help the situation. In doing so, we have often abandoned ourselves. Alanon offers new tools to live by. Sharing our pain with others who understand, enables us to grow and develop new constructive attitudes, filled with compassion, empathy, respect, courtesy to live by.
Nar-anon is a 12 program for family of children with drug addiction and are also listed in the telephone directory. Many families also find alanon meetings just as helpful. I urge you to continue seeking support.
Please come back here and share the journey
-- Edited by hotrod on Saturday 15th of December 2012 10:25:05 AM
New to this, and there is no one I can ask. I am a 50 year old professional who defined myself as a Mom. My husband and I have been raising 2 kids, 14 yr old Daughter and 15 year old son, in a wonderful neighborhood and a beautiful home. This summer our life tilted on its axis, and our kids became unrecognizable. I had back surgery and immediately saw that things were spiraling out of control when the invited a new friend into our home. After a week we discovered the "mother" we had been calling to check with was a friend, the home we had been driving him home to was a vacant house, and he was a 20 year old homeless drug dealer. He started a sexual relationship with my daughter and when we callled the police both kids went on the run.
We all other options failed, we filed committment papers and searched the streets until we found first the daughter and then the son. We thought we had been through the worst of it, but having both kids 7 hours away in a residential inpatient center at Christmas has knocked me backwards. It has only been a month, but I am still having trouble facing the changes in my life. I am so sad for all they are going through, I miss them and can't face Christmas. I call the police daily, trying to push my case for stat. rape against the DrugDealer, and although he was arrest for burglury (2nd and 3rd degree, including weapons that were not found) he is still on the street. We have installed alarms, but I am afraid, my husband is obsessed, and i just need to talk to other parents who might understand.
I am so very sorry to read of the terrible situation that has developed in your family So glad that you found us and that your children are getting the help they need. I believe you found a home.
Alcoholism and addiction are a disease over which we are powerless. Alanon and this Board are an organization of people who have lived with the disease and who share their experience strength and hope in order to solve their common problems.
Living with this disease, trying to force solutions, we develop negative coping mechanisms that harm us, In alanon we learn how to focus on our mental and physical health, live one day at a time, and to act and not re-act.
Alanon has face to face meetings in your community. Breaking the isolation, by attending meetings builds a support group that we need . A Listing of meetings in your area can be found by calling the alanon number listed in your white pages.
Thanks for the reply Hotrod, I was not sure Al Anon was for parents of Narcotic addicted and Manic/Depressive kids. They are in a dual diagnosis recovery center that focuses on 12 steps, so I was hoping.
I want to learn to act, and not react, but with the kids being younger, I was forced to get them first committed to a mental health lock down, and then to a rehab out of town as there was a preditor involved. That doesnt absolve them, but as a parent it was my job to protect them the best I could. I don't apoligize for that but the guilt still exist.
Does this program recommend that I stop fighting on their behalf? I do think I need to find some positive help for myself at this family time of year, but am confused by some of your reply?
Welcome to MIP. Alanon is for family and friends of alcoholics who want to share their experience, strength, and hope. 12th step groups are all based on the same principles. Keep coming back. You will find that many here have gone through what you are going through. It is hard and it is sad but there is hope.
Aloha Jules and welcome to MIP. Both Hotrod and NMike give good experience and awareness. "i want to learn to Act and not React"...boy is that a request. It is also one of the greatest endeavors the fellowships in recovery have. For me learning to act came with listening to others of similar experiences as mine (the Al-Anon Family Groups was best). I learned I was not alone and I learned that others had learned lessons that I could repeat for me and get different consequences than when I arrived at the door with. I also learned how to insert thinking time between what happened to trigger me and how I "responded" (or not reacted) to it. "Let me think about that" became part of my daily language and I learned to insert an acceptable period of time for me for the thinking. Always...Always I would test my thinking over to my Sponsor, the group and my Higher Power. "What do you thinking about this"? (Trusting others) and asked for feedback just as you are doing here now. So welcome to the board. Do not let anything step in the way of your recovery and progress. The hotline for the Al-Anon Family Groups is in the white pages of your local telephone book...call that number and find out where and when we get together in your area and come get the seat that is already saved for you. Turn your kids over to whatever Higher Power you know and believe in and come. Your husband also has a chair there and is welcomed. Males go thru this disease very different that females...head vs heart journey so there will be guys there also hopefully.
Ouch on the back surgery...I got one they will not do surgery on and the program helps with that also.
