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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> sick of being sick
Post Info TOPIC: sick of being sick
el-cee


~*Service Worker*~

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sick of being sick
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I have been sick for years. I form codependant relationships and enable. First my a ex and then my prob drinker son who is 19. The trouble is since finding alanon I have been detaching, he does nothing for himself and regularly behaves aggressively towards me and a couple of times to my younger boy who is 15. I've told him I want him to leave because I can't stick waiting on the next event to kick off. Also my younger son is now becoming angry and abusive. It's the guilt though I can't seem to actually get him to go. I need courage but my natural feelings of self pity and blame creep in and always stop me. Is it wrong to kick out a 19 year old who manipulates me and upsets the home? Help. I need sensible alanon.

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hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

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Hi el cee
 
 
I see you are new to alanon and I am glad you are attending meetings. It is suggested that we make no major life changes for the first 6 months to a year in program unless there is a situation of danger. The reason for this is that it takes time to learn new behaviors and to let go of old destructive actions.
 
It does not seem unreasonable for you to ask your son to leave if he is causing trouble in the home, is not attending school and is not working. I could see having this discussion with him, when he is sober, offering him a time limit to get direction in his life or look for a room elsewhere. Document the discussion.
 
 
We who live with this disease need our own program of recovery, just as the alcoholic needs his. I would be helpful is your younger son could attend alateen . He would be free to express his anger, fear and sadness and develop new tools to live by as well.
.
Good Luck There is hope


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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Zimmy


Senior Member

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hi el-cee

You have had the best advice from Betty, and I agree it is not unreasonable, he is 19 yrs old and an adult he now has to make his choices and live with them. enabling doesnt help at any age even when it is your adult child. Tough love is hard.

Much Love and support

Simone x

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What a caterpiller calls the end of the world....God calls a butterfly
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> sick of being sick