The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm new here. I haven't attended an alanon meeting yet, I am having problems figuring out what to do with my kids, but I need something- I need to talk to others that know.
My husband is an alcoholic, he recently lost his job due to it, but then made a "commitment" to stop- well stop drinking hard liquor. He works for his parents so luckily he got his job back. We had one good week, like really good. Then on his day off I got home and could tell right away he had been drinking. I had taken his ATM card away the week before but he asked if he could use it just to go get gas...I asked if I could trust him, apparently I couldn't. We've been fighting about it since then...
and then this morning he did it, he got a DUI- at 8:00 in the morning he was over twice the legal limit. Luckily it's his first, but I don't have the money to bail him out, I don't even know if I should. I have talked to him, and he says it was just leftover from last night, but could it really be? I keep thinking i'm doing the right thing by making him stay there for awhile, then I become overcome by guilt that he is still there....
Sometimes I literally feel like i'm going insane, I don't know who to talk to. I am ashamed to tell my parents and afraid that they will hate him forever for this. I don't even know if it will matter though because so much of my trust is gone, I often wonder if our marriage will make it.
I'm just looking for some ears, and hear to listen to others as well
Hi... glad you posted here, and you're right to question this situation, as a sanity check.... I'm definitely no doctor, but I would say that there is NO way in the world that a person blows twice the legal limit at 8am, and that it was leftover from the night before's drinking....
All signs seems to point to that he is an alcoholic, and also that he appears to be in denial.....
Soooo....
"He is either gonna drink (or be an alcoholic, or get DUI's and be in denial about them, and, and, and) or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
Time to choose recovery.... for YOU. An awesome book on the whole subject is "Getting Them Sober", volume one, written by Toby Rice Drews. That book literally saved my sanity, and started me well on my way towards my recovery..... Posting here, going to face-to-face Al-Anon meetings, etc., are all good things...
Glad you found us, and please keep coming back
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
It wasnt long ago that i posted on here for the first time, and i was so lost, hurt, confused and dissapointed, because I took it personally that the alcoholic boyfriend, hurt me and lied and cared more about drinking than his family. (we have a 4yr old son together).
For years I was in denial too, as well as him. I really thought he had a choice and could reduce his drinking etc, but when i started pushing (no beers in week, evening drinking at the weekend). I used to find bottles and cans all over the house. The lies and deceit etc.
Then I found out that the drinker if he is alcoholic, cannot stop the compulsion to drink is too strong. Al-anon saved my sanity, the steps and meetings as well as coming on here for support.
One of the first things i learnt is that we didnt cause it, we cant control it, and we cant cure it. (this really helped me as I had tried to control it so bad). Read as much as you can about al-anon and alcoholism.
Al-anon suggest that we dont cause a crisis or try to stop a crisis if it is happening. Also I found that if I kept trying to help, like getting him out of jail, lying/covering for him or minimising the effects of his actions, I wasnt helping him to see what his drinking was doing, I was enabling him to carry on without consequences.
When I started seeing this and also setting boundries (no alcohol round me and our son) I started to become healthier because alcoholism is a family disease and it effects us all. I still have down times but I have come on so much since the early days of findng al-anon and this site.
Much love and support please keep coming back. You will find so much support and love here as many of us have been through and going through the same kind of thing.
Simone x
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What a caterpiller calls the end of the world....God calls a butterfly
