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I'm in the middle of a very contentious divorce with my AH of 30 years. I suggested that we meet this past weekend to try to settle things on our own, one on one, without the courts having to settle our issues for us. Good thing I had my Al-Anon program tools with me when I met with him. He is still in full denial of his drinking problem and told me that I either stop the divorce or he would "take me for everything" that I have. He's currently unemployed, living with five (!) boarders in our home (which I gave him ownership of as a first step in our settlement), and has no plans to get legitimate work (he said that the IRS would garnish is wages, so he will just have to work "under the table" from now on).I was able to keep my cool and not cause things to escalate. I just calmly asked him to think about us working on this together and then we went our separate ways after two hours of him doing most of the talking (mostly about how I had abandoned him - yeah right!).
So now we head for a hearing on 12/18 so that the judge can decide if he is to be awarded spousal support. I'm looking to my HP to help be through this difficult time. Thanks for letting me share.
He's making threats, common. The courts have been through this many times, he won't get away with anything not due him. If he is making threats like this I HIGHLY urge you to consider a lawyer. His word against yours makes the judges very irate when the parties cannot agree and they do not like trying to sift through the mud. They either want you in agreement at the bench, or with a professional who can sort through the fights.
AStrongerMe: I do have a lawyer (he does not). She suggested that we try to talk things out before the hearing just to see where he is at (and, unforunately, but not surprisingly, he is not in a good place. He's extremely bitter and feels victimized).
Something I am struggling with is while the system is not always fair if you have a good judge they have seen this stuff coming a mile away. What does your lawyer think about the situation and what is the best way to proceed considering he's not willing to negotiate? I like to hear the worst case senerio so that way whatever happens I actually feel better about the outcome. I'm wired weird .. LOL.
If he doesn't have an atty chances are he's not going to do everything he should be doing and therefore will not be able to come out the other side well.
The courts have seen similar situations and all you can do is really give this over and know whatever happens it will be in your best interests.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Great advice, Pushka! Yes, my lawyer has informed me of the worst case scenario, and now that I know where my AH's head is (boy, could I say something about that!), I have decided to fight back stronger that I had originally planned. It's going to cost me, but I rather pay less now than a lot to him in the long run. Here again, I am trying to deal rationally with an irrational person. You know how that goes...
You should be a paralegal- any thoughts on that? ; )
Yes, I'm still floating around the idea .. I find the more I'm at court the more comfortable I am I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I am still battling many new dark fantasies .. LOL. I'm actually thinking about doing the paralegal and looking into atty by default .. LOL.
I also agree .. I've come to the conclusion I plan on having the atty do a LOT more talking vs me dealing .. I'm weighing my serenity with his .. ohhh .. a**holeness .. I know .. not a word however if the shoe fits. His behavior is very off the wall at this point. Nothing dangerous just completely bizzaro. I'm willing to pay now for peace now. I really do not see needing to have much contact with him anyway until our court date and here's hoping it won't be delayed yet again.
Starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel. Hard to believe it's now been almost a year of him being gone.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Glad you have a lawyer. I don't trust them, not even my own, but they know what to do in court if you have to get there :) Hoping the dust settles with relatively little pain!
You have tried to be reasonable with an unreasonable person. Great to see your programme is getting you through this difficult time. Thanks for sharing. Simone x
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What a caterpiller calls the end of the world....God calls a butterfly
You're not alone! Please be certain to take care of yourself first. He has choices and his own HP to look after him along his journey. I have come to believe that when I step on someone else's side of the street, it results in my walking a path not intended for me.
