The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Only abut 4 days ago i cut contact with my family after the last straw of 25 years of scapegoatism, rejection, manipulation, and general insanity. I did my own work and they had their chance too...when i would end up in the hospital after suicide attempts due to depression and denial many a doctor referred them to family counseling, Alanon, etc...but why go when you still have someone to blame?
Anyway, it was taking a bad toll on me and after some very abusive emails I told them I was just done.
I received a voice mail from my father today saying he "needs to hear from me or he will take further action."
For God's sake, I am almost 50.
I have not been able to work because of my depression around this issue and I have so many capabilities...the only thing that hs been left for 2 years now is letting go of material and going into a roommate situation (but I won't be accepted for a lease - I have no credit!) or a shleter. I don't have friends or relatives I can ask to stay with.
I mentioned here recently that due to an environmental issue in an apartment I lived in I lost many things...I read I should throw everything out, better safe than sorry but I've been trying to hold on to my memories, books, clothes, car...the cleaning has completely overtaken my life. My father has been paying my rent and that leaves me in a position to be controlled emotionally by him too. I am wondering if this is all happening for a reaosn...everytime a rough time develops they use that as an opportunity to mistreat me worse and worse. They know I'm about ready to break out on my own and they're scared. I am just now ready to go back to work and was offered the possibility of a great opportunity the other day. But this issue with the apartments and my belongings has kept me obsessively cleaning and cleaning...and I can't get rid of the problem. This time my health was affected.
I am praying and asking God what He's trying to tell me. I can't do it anymore...I have to throw everything else out andlet go and start over...but I don't want to.
What are you thinking as you read this? Maybe it is more obvious to you.
My thoughts as I read through your post is that My Serenity is worth more to me than material possessions. Detaching and not engaging in destructive conversations also is of the utmost importance.
I know when I was not able to pay my own bills that I felt a victim to the person who had the money. It did not matter if they were generous and kind or withholding I still resented the fact that I had to ask for the money and account for it. I knew that I had to become self supporting in order for my serenity to be restored .
I am glad you have received an offer of a position.
