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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Losses keep coming
Post Info TOPIC: Losses keep coming
Debilyn


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Losses keep coming
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I have shared the ex A's disease took everything. I thought it was over.

Its gotten where I cannot even afford to live up here in my cabin. I gotta go try to fix up a part of my place on the 5 acres to be liveable. Bring my horse Elgin home.

It is still where the mortgage co. commited fraud so there it sits, still mine, and they won't accept any payments. I know, its insane. sooo I have to move back.

So this is what killed me. I had to place my horse in foster until I could figure out how to get him back. My horse and I were very very bonded. When we rode we were one. We trusted each other.

Elgin was rescued off a livestock truck to be going to Europe to be eaten. Someone saw a big heart in his eyes and got him, rehabbed him some then under the "horse protection program" haha brought him to me from a long ways away.

He had a bad gash on his leg that would have made it a for sure he would be meat. Got that all healed up. he was an angel. Never needed sedation even for his dentals! He just rested his head on my shoulder as my vet friend worked on him

I just let him be free in the huge pastures and mountains next to me. just called him, he would come running. He even came into the house once, when I left the door open accidently. goofball.

spoiled him rotten, Bought him a $100 coat, mine was $4.99 from Goodwill. (c:

He had fly masks, baths, whatever he needed.

so that is my love story. Every day up here I grieved him. felt so guilty for doing this. He trusted me, I let him down. It was a great foster home. He loved kids and they loved him.

So now I find I have to go home. I contact the gal. My Elgin died the end of last summer, natural cause.

Falling apart as I type this. The thought of never smelling him again, hugging him, being part of him is so horrible. I wanna see him in the pasture with the beat up rescue horses he always made feel at home.

I want to see him stick his head in my front window asking for his grain.

Disease took my Elgin. Took everything. Make me hate the part of my ex AH who let this happen.

My bad lower leg has not been a problem for a very long time. Then all of a sudden it swells completely up, and feels like a charlie horse that never stops! Its horrendous! The strongest pain med did not make me not feel it. I quit taking it. If I sit still here with it up I am ok. I am sure this pain is not helping me accept my Elgin is gone.

My dear manfriend said it was no problem to get him to Louisiana. now for not.

btw we are fine. He has stuff to get thru before I will allow him to come to Oregon to meet me face to face. I want him to be ready. not in the mess we are all in when we finally divorce the A.

But again here I am in this world I cannot afford to live in. But with HP he gives me options. The A's disease took all my savings, stole everything, snuck my tools and things and sold them, took my inheritance too.

My plan is to move back to the house, get my much needed glasses. my teeth fixed where the stupid dentist did not get the caps to stay on right now I am fighting infection.....need cloths badly. need my washer and dryer to work. ugh.

Then start buying a fifth wheel or somethng I always have to live in with my animals. Mainily my dogs and cats and dickens my pot bellied pig who is about 13 now.

Anyway  I am venting. thank you for being here. No one else but you at MIP knows the depths of my physical and emotional pain right now. I appreciate you all.  love,debilyn who wonders how to move with one leg on crutches?



-- Edited by Debilyn on Sunday 9th of December 2012 12:02:29 PM

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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

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Breakingfree


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I can relate to losing everything, but afterwards I gained everything including my sanity. My horses went to someone who could afford them much better than I and the old icelandic gelding died the next Summer. My beautiful german shepherd that couldn't come to my apartment went to a great home in the country with kids to play with and plenty of car rides and walks, I still keep up with her by phone. But it is what I had to do and I am in a better place with my kids and bettering myself and my life. I mourned and grieved and moved on as I am sure you will do. I am sorry the disease continues to hurt you and I can definitely relate. I am sending you much prayers, support and love. Know the best is yet to come my friend! I am sending you much love, prayers for health and support!



-- Edited by Breakingfree on Sunday 9th of December 2012 01:11:22 PM

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

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Cathyinaz


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I'm so sorry for your lose. When my molly died I was heartbroken. I know a cat is not the majestic animal you loved but the hurt is still there.

You are in my thoughts and prayers today in the hopes all go's well with your move and some stability comes you way. I can only imagine where you live now is so beautiful and peaceful with all your wonderful animals/friends and to have to leave is heartbreaking. I would love to live somewhere like that...just can't.

You health is important and to have problems sucks. When we hurt through illness and pain things don't always to right. So getting things done for your health is a good thing in my book.

You help so much on here and said so many nice things to me and make me feel better I somethings don't think that person has their own pain. I'm so sorry for that but as I get to know you and others here I see how we help each other. Just a thought, saying or the love and hugs we get make us all feel so much better. Al-anon and MIP is a lifesaver and a place we can vent anything just for that little love and ESH we so much desire.

Take care my friend and you are in my prayers.
Cathy

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Debilyn


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TU BF. I did place a ton of animals. But always planned to bring Elgin home. But becuz of him, the primary bomb, his disease, I will never see him again.

I will not lose my dogs or cats. no way. or dickens my potted pig.

You have done well BF and I sure do relate. Also I have no one so my animals take on  a very important role in my life. If I knew they would be happy nope never mind. just looked at them laying on me. lol

Cathy I sure know what you mean about your cat. Of course you were close to her! And yes cats are beautiful! My old long haired ginger winnie is right at the moment climbing on top of my sleeping Basset Tavish to take a nap. lol now she is washing his head.....

My place has a beautiful view, and is peaceful and my neighbors are great. sadly I rented it out and the tenants did over $40,000 of damage to my land and home burned down my new shed, shot out all my barn windows and more.

I will just start on making my house liveable for me in a small space. Then slowly get all the junk out of there. They left these huge tires. sigh. had 4 wheeled vehicles up there and tore it to heck.

I hope i can stand to be there. My neighbor will level it all out when the ground dries. Plus I know another guy I have to pay but he is good to me.

Just another step Cathy. But I feel like I am going backwards somehow. I just have too many serious needs to pay rent up here. Plus it is very far away my dear up in the mountains. It has been great to be up here, but I need to go home.



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Jen


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Just a big ((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))))))) Debilyn. I know how much he means to you. We lost both of our old ones last year. One in July, the other in Dec right before Christmas. We miss them still, but their last few years were here with us, well cared for and an easy life. We hold onto that and remember them with love.

I know you will get through one day at a time.


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"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Zimmy


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So sorry to hear about Elgin and the tough times your going through right now.

Big hug and God bless

Simone x

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AStrongerMe


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Big hugs, bond between a horse and rider is unlike anything people who haven't had it can understand. But animals are always someone we can bond with and truly love, no matter the size of the animal. I too am a horse lover and I remember hearing about the passing of my horse that I'd grown up with as a teen. He had gone to a good home when I was in college and he passed a few years later. I was very sad.

Be gentle with yourself. I know how easy it is to fixate on the events leading up to this and I understand how angering it is to have this disease rob you day by day. But hold onto the memories and the good things as tightly, if not tighter. He's a beautiful boy!!

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orchidlover


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I can understand well the issue of having someone elses disease rob you of so much.  I think for me it was a way of finally hitting bottom and learning to take care of me.  I am so grateful for my animals because I could not allow the ex A to hurt them and that boundary in turn helped me to glide through all the obstacles I had.

I can also relate to not having a home.  Boundaries are such huge issues for me.  Who can I trust?  Who will come through for me and who won't. I have had many many people decimate my life in so many ways.  I get better and better at finding out who they are and cutting my losses very quickly.

I have a lot of faith in you and your strength and endurance to get through the next move in your life.  You gave of yourself so generously to Elgin and the horse had many extra years of pure delight.  I miss one of my cats (who I feel was a victim to the ex A's craziness in a convoluted way) a great deal.  I also know I did the best I could and that today is enough.

Maresie.

 



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tiredtonite


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I'm sorry about Elgin.  My heart goes out to you, (((debilyn))))  T



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