The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
im not sure if Im learning to cope or letting things get so out of hand I quit... I keep putting off seeing an attorney .. for money reasons and medical (some medical tests have come back bad on me) I will lose ins when divorce is final... But whats better die from cancer with sanity or live with total insanity.
Im not sure what to do.. At this point I dont tell ppl the insanity I live with because they "dont wanna hear it" Ive been self employed for 13 yrs but ins is not affordable to me. I get test results in January, Im thinking about talking to an attorney during this time .... I just dont know what to do anymore. Im trying to take care of me.. but this is hard... I have no one to talk bout my fears with my own health (he doesnt care and makes it clear he doesnt) AND I have to deal with his active full blown alcoholism ... Im crying and in pain and Im tired of living with someone and still being alone
__________________
..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
Sweetr I just love your avatar and what it has always meant for me in my recovery..."Faith" ...let go and let God and keep moving forward. That is what worked for me while my alcoholic/addict continued to drink and use and lie and cheat and steal and all the other stuff. I didn't have a house any more, or a job, or insurance but I had faith and am now 30 years removed from it. I learned that the "opposite of fear is faith" and from the ODAAT daily reader "Courage is fear which has said it's prayers"....Keep trudging we're in support. ((((hugs))))
You could maybe have as part of the seperation agreement/divorce that he provide you with either health insurance or money to pay for it on your own? I have heard of this. Just something you might want to ask an attorney about. Hang in there and keep coming back. We will always listen and want you to share.
I believe when I first filed for the one year seperation the insurance would still cover him and that didn't change until I filed after that first year for divorce and took the kids more than half the time, I had to word the document right, but it worked. Living seperate for me was the only way I could have serenity. I am so sorry you are dealing with this while you have cancer. I had ovarian cancer and had 2 major surgeries in one year along with having a baby right away after and well that year and a half proved to me my exAH couldn't help me the way I needed and it helped me make the hard decisions for my life that I wasn't wanting to face. That was in 07-08 and things have slowly gotten much better for me especially since finding Al-anon 2 years ago. I am sending you much love, support and prayers for your health!
__________________
Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Wow. Be gentle on yourself. You are going through some SERIOUS things right now. Take some time to sort it out. I also have stayed too long because of 'technical' things but mainly guilt because I AM the provider (i.e. HE won't have health insurance if I leave him, etc...) It doesn't make it easy or right. These are HARD decisions and it is good to talk it out with people who have been there and gone through it. Best wishes for some peace. You deserve it.
I think being alone in marriage is worse than really being alone. I left my 1st addicted husband of 13 yrs because I felt totally alone, and now in my 2nd marriage of 21 yrs, besides for multiple addictions, feeling like a single person within a marriage is again happening to me. I thought I would have chosen a healthier partner this 2nd time, I had gone into recovery, went to therapy, thought I knew what to look for, and here I am again. I want to leave but also can't afford it now due to finances and health issues. I hope to be able to separate in the future. I'm trying to learn to take care of myself and find some joy. I'm better at it some days, but not always. I find this message board a tremendous help. The members remind me where I need to be going. Lyne
