The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
just been away on a family programme for families of drinkers and drugs users, WOW
Had the privealage to learn so much and do lots of group therapy amazin.
One of the work shops was on family roles. e.g caretaker, scape goat, lost child, hero there were many more.
I was the caretaker I would neglect myself and run around trying to fix the addicts and everyone esles life. my son became the lost child isolating as I forgot him in my mission to fix the world. i was also a Hero getting a degree painting a good picture of the family to the outside world. the drinker was the scape goat getting the blame for all that was wrong with the family.
The therapist explained that if one person behaves differently like I have since joining al anon the whole family dynamics change. If we stop playing caregiver, rescuer people have to become resp;onsible for themselves. I have done this even though it was the hardest thing I have ever domne and my drinker decided to go to AA for his help.
there were losts of mothers on the course in great pain this was their first reach out for support it was amazing to watch them grow. they all learnt so much and decided they would not longer enable the addict and are all joining al anon.
Arecovering addict shared how he never got well till his mother died and he new then he would have tp stop as his fathers tough love would not support his addiction.
I know it is hard to step back and leave them to it to detach with love but this course just confirmed everything I have learnt here, I was doing all the wrong things for the right reasons. today I love in a healthy way and let all poeple over 18 feel the consequences of there actions.
My enabling has help ME but as I discover does nothing for my son. Yes it kept a roof over his head but it also kept him safe to continue his drinking without pain. Now that I have stop this behavior....which is very hard....my pain will now be the hope and faith to help my son. As I continue to just help ME, the pain I feel lessens day by day. I will go though my own crisis now and not his. I have been going though his crisis for so long it's time I take care of mine only. Turning the tables you might say.
That's the way I'm letting go and letting God take over him so I can ask my HP to help me through my crisis.
As we make this journey with the help of all the resources out there our lives become peaceful and happier every day. I'm not there yet but I'm determine to continue a program and coming here everyday to read, write and learn. I pray to my HP everyday to give me help in whatever happens and that I will learn from it. I don't want to go back....only to move forward.
Thank you so much for sharing. Reading it confirms my desire to get well. Cathy
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I was the lost child. I'm not so lost anymore- at least as far as being able to take care of things myself. I still isolate and don't allow people over much, that's one of the things I'm working on. Especially with people at work. They can be pretty rough and judgemental.
That sounds just like my family. I did the rescuer role and I've succeeded in making victims out of everyone. Right now it's my lost child who is misbehaving due to years of me focusing on my a partner then older son.
We have the same in my family too, but as I work the program things are starting to change. I had no idea my son was a lost child. I guess it was bound to happen with 5 children and an AH. Our family therapist (that myself and the children started to see while AH was in rehab) managed to pull some things out of my son that I was clueless about. Since then I have vowed to not allow myself to cause any of my children to feel lost. We are healing together as a family even if my AH isn't on board.
